Not Alone

Not Alone

 

 Smoke rose to the sky, leaving the impression that there will never be sunlight again. The smoke was so thick that it felt as though it was strangling me, almost wringing the air out of my body. The loud piercing sound of alarms wailed, off in the distance. I gazed over the land that I once called my home. My home was alien to me, unknown, foreign, unfamiliar.

I was rather frantic at first, in denial most likely; I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

I sat on the steps of a demolished building. The only building that I could still recognize; the only building that wasn’t turned to ruble. I pulled my shirt over my mouth so I could catch my breath and breathe air that was perhaps less toxic. I scanned the streets to see if there was anything that would help me figure out what happened. I started to question why I was still here. I have no clue what happened. The last thing I remembered was going to bed.

There was a slight breeze, the sound of grasshoppers outside my window. The peaceful calming whisper of the words, “I love you,” in my ears. It was the last words I had heard from my wife. The last person I had seen.

I woke to this, a desolate, barren, destroyed city, with no sign of life. At that moment, I realized something that made my heart drop. How did I get in the city? My house is nowhere near the city. “What’s happening!” I yelled at the top of my lungs, wanting anybody, anything, to hear me. There was nothing but the cracking of the fire that surrounded me and the slight breeze that fueled it.

I closed my eyes and tried to sleep on the hard steps. It took a while, but sleep came. It was unpleasant. I had a dream, no a nightmare. Some beast snatched my wife up and I couldn’t do anything about it. I was restrained to my bed by something. I woke to the same thing I fell asleep to, a destroyed city.

I got up from the steps of the building and walked. I walked until my feet hurt. Everything looked the same, some structures still stood tall with only the frame of the buildings left. Everything else had been turned to ruble.

I neared my house. When I came up to the end of the block, I saw something off in the distance. I was again in total shock. Both fear and excitement rushed through my body. My eyes widened, I felt like my body couldn’t move; I was stationary. My house was there. The entire structure was in tact. It was as if nothing had touched it. All of the houses around it were completely destroyed, burning; nothing bush ashes blowing in the wind making it appear like there was black snow.

My head was spinning. Should I enter? I questioned myself. This overwhelming fear was pulsing through my body. Without my command I start to move towards my house. I don’t want to move, but perhaps I did want to at the same time. As much as I told my body not to move I still continued forward. I came to the door. I felt like I was going to drop over, pass out, because my heart was beating so fast. It was beating fear through my body with each beat.

I reached the door; hand reached out. I twisted the handle of the door, which was ice cold. I pushed the door open and stood in the doorway. Confused on what to do now I stood there. Everything was exactly where it should be. Everything was fine.

I dropped to my knees. Confusion at this point was more overwhelming then my fear. I thought maybe if I just sat here that something would happen. Darkness approached and as did the cold of the night. However, I still sat in the same spot. Hunger set in, along with thirst.

I stood back up on my feet and decided I needed to walk in. I took a step inside. I could smell the usual smell of cinnamon from the candles. “Karen,” I whispered. No response. “Karen,” I said in a normal tone. Still there was no response. “Karen,” I said once more even louder. There was no response once more and a tear began to form. “Karen!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I kept screaming her name. I kept hoping that my wife would hear. “Karen!”

It was silent. There was no answer. I stood in the middle of the living room. Looking around as if she was maybe hiding from me. Like this was some sick game of hide and seek. I didn’t want to play. I wanted to see my wife again; I wanted to pretend like everything I saw outside wasn’t real. I wanted to pretend everything went back to the way it was. In a way I wanted my house to be destroyed.

I looked over at a picture on the fireplace of my wife and I. We were on our honeymoon. I walked over to it and picked it up. Wishing that we were back on our honeymoon.

I picked my head up as I heard a sound behind me. I turned and as quickly as I turned I dropped to the floor once more. Stood before me was my wife. Alive, normal, healthy, beautiful, my wife, my wife was standing in front of me. My head was spinning. I got up and ran to her, wrapped my arms around her. I didn’t want to let go. “I love you,” the same peaceful words whispered into my ears. “I love you too.” I was so happy. As I talked to her about my day she just listened with a smile on her face. A smile that alone could light up the smoke filled sky. As much as I just wanted to sit there and lay with her the entire night I really wanted to get some sleep. As I started up the stairs Karen urged me to stay down here, but I insisted. I walked into my room.

Words can’t express how I felt in this moment. The overwhelming feelings that rushed back, the fear. I was so afraid. I was so afraid and so alone. My wife was lying there on my bed. There was so much blood that it seemed as though someone took a bucket of paint and poured it on her. Her body was mangled, extremities twisted in ways they shouldn’t be.  A creaking of the door behind me caught my attention and after seeing my wife’s twisted and mangled, I thought my fear couldn’t reach any higher levels, but it did. As I turned I saw my wife. What I thought was my wife. Standing in the door way. “I love you,” she whispered. With those words her head quirked and her body started to convulse. I wanted to aid her because she was my wife, she wasn’t but she was. I watched as she laid there squirming on the ground.

I walked over her body to get out of the room but didn’t take my eyes off of her. I started down the steps and the convulsing stopped. I wasn’t going to wait and see what happened. I was getting out.

I ran out the door. Ran down the street. Ran as far as I could. I ran until my feet hurt again. Then I ran some more. I was reaching the city; going back to the only place that still somehow made sense to me. I reached the building I sat at earlier. I tied getting a grasp on what was going on. Nothing made sense. It was over for me. I was going to kill myself. I was alone. There was nothing left for me, I didn’t understand what had happened here and I didn’t want to live anymore.

I walked into the building since it was still somewhat in tact. I took the stairs to the top floor. I couldn’t stop thinking about my wife the entire time. How my wife’s twisted body was just left there. How that person looked exactly like my wife, smelt like her too. Everything about her was the same. I walked to the edge where I could make clear that I would hit the ground and meet my fate. I closed my eyes and smiled. Knowing I would be with my wife soon. I felt warm. I could almost feel my wife with me. Her arms around me, whispering into my ears, “I love you.” The last words I shall hear.

I opened my eyes, to hear the words “I love you,” once again. I turn to find my wife standing there. “No, no it can’t be. You are not my wife! You do not love me! You are an imposter!” I grab a large piece of concrete that was once part of the wall, I ran at her and bashed her head. Over and over again I smashed the rock into her skull. Even after I knew she was dead I kept hitting her. There was blood everywhere, but she was dead for sure this time. “I love you,” those words came from elsewhere, from the door. My wife stood there saying those words. I looked down under me in disbelief as I had just bashed her head in. She was still under me, but in front of me at the same time. I’d had enough I ran to the edge and jumped. I was free, and I wouldn’t be alone anymore. 

not alone cover
not alone cover

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