She Smiled Today

“What’s your name?”

“Tamirwa Bell”

“Tamira Bell?”

“Yes, Tamirwa Bell”

“Oh, okay. I think it’s funny how you pronounce it!”

This happens to me way too often. Someone would ask what is my name, I’d reply, and then they’d simply laugh. They laughed because of the way that I speak.

See, it all started when I was in middle school. Those are the years when you begin to form your identity. You start to notice beauty, true friends, relationships, and etc. So while my friends were figuring out who was the cutest boy in the class or what clothes were trending, I was noticing my conflict with speech. I always knew that I had a high pitched voice, but I never knew that I had a problem with pronunciation.

In eighth grade, my school was starting a new legacy and my teachers thought that I would be the perfect candidate. So they made me the morning announcer. Every morning I would report to the office to inform the school on the day’s lunch, weather, news headlines, and etc.

“Good morning Fitler students and faculty. Today is October 3, 2011. It looks like it will be a beautiful day, with not a cloud in sight. Today’s high will be…,” I would report every morning.

I thought that I was something special because I had the opportunity to do a task that no one else in my school could do. All of the students who were in first through fourth grades, looked up to me. Everyday, they would stop me in the hallway and ask me if I was the “voice” behind the loudspeaker.

“Hey are you the one who says the announcements in the morning?!”

“Yes!”

“That’s so awesome! I hope one day I get to say the announcements on the loudspeaker,” a first grader would tell me.

I thought that everyone appreciated the job that I was doing. But little did I know how people actually felt. Although the younger students admired me, the older students dreaded the sound of my voice. Every morning when my voice was projected throughout the corridors of the school, the older students would become piqued.

“She sounds like a baby,” one student would grumble.

“It is so unnecessary for her to come on the loudspeaker every morning.”

“She doesn’t know how to talk, so why is she speaking?”

“She doesn’t pronounce her R’s correctly,” another would complain.

When those rumors spread around about me, I became discouraged. So I tried not to say words that involved the letter r. I tried not to use any words that I knew I couldn’t correctly pronounce. I also tried to speak as clearly as possible, which turned out to be embarrassing.

A famous Dutch observer of the English language by the fictitious name of Charivarius once wrote a poem about English, called The Chaos. He wrote about the difficulty of trying to speak English.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --

Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?

Hiccough has the sound of cup.

My advice is to give up!!!

So I took that advice. I chose to give up on talking. When I knew that I couldn’t live up to everyone’s expectations when it came to pronunciation, I decided not to speak at all. When I did the announcements, I said them as fast as possible. When I was in class, I stopped participating. When my friends called me on the phone, I avoided them.

 “Ding- Ding!   Ding- Ding!   Ding- Ding!

“Hello,” my sister answered the house phone.

“Can I speak to Tamira?”

“Hold on…. TAMIRA!!!! SOMEONE WANTS TO YOU SPEAK TO YOU ON THE PHONE!!!,” my sister would yell.

“Tell her I can’t talk right now. Tell her that I don’t feel well or make up something,” I whispered in the background.

Besides doing the announcements, I remained silent for a month. I thought that if I didn't speak, people would stop making fun my voice. I thought that the ridiculing would stop. I thought that I the brash looks in the hallway would stop.

But the mockery didn’t stop. It kept on going on. And it still goes on to this very day. Where ever I go, people will snicker about my voice. But when I stopped talking, I saw how it affected the lives of others. I saw how it affected my life.

One day one of the first graders stopped me in the hallway to ask me why I didn’t say the announcements like I used to. I was so confused. How did I “used” to say the announcements? He said that I used to say it with so much glee. When I came on the loudspeaker, his teacher would smile because of my joyful voice. But for the past month, she hasn’t smiled because I didn’t sound cheerful.

When that little boy told me that, I felt so guilty. How could I be allow the opinions of disparaging children, who did even matter to me, affect the way that I lived my life? I didn’t even take it into account how I could put a smile on people’s faces every morning.

So I decided to open my mouth and speak with boldness. No longer would I allow someone to take something from me that didn’t belong to them. My voice was mine and I would use no matter what others thought.

The next morning, I walked into the office with a smile on my face and boldness in my heart. Then I picked up the phone to say the announcements.

“Good morning Fitler students and faculty. Today is November 7, 2011. It looks like today will be a delightful day. Today’s high will be 50˚F. Today for lunch, we will be having…,” I contentedly said.

I was elated to be able to overcome my fear of speech. I learned that my voice is my instrument to express my thoughts, to make a difference, and to put a smile on someone’s face.

That day, the first grader who always stopped me in the hallway, yelled at me.

“Hey you announcer girl!”

“Yes. What’s wrong?!”

“Nothing. I just wanted to tell you something amazing!”

“What is it,” I bafflingly inquired.

“My teacher smiled today!”

Works Cited Section:

Trenite, G. Nolst "Charivarius". The Chaos. New River Project, 1922. Print. <http://ncf.idallen.com/english.html>.


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