The Accented Tongue

“Mingxue, can you read the third passage please?”
“The shep is singking.”
“LOUDER!”
“THE SHEP is singking.”
“Class! Read that one line out correctly.”
“The ship is sinking.” The class screamed this sentence at me.
At that moment, I just wanted to dig a hole and escape from this embarrassment. From that point on, I would always put my head down and avoid eye contact when my teacher asked for a reader. I hated the way I sound. Why am I the only Asian who couldn’t enunciate the words correctly as my classmates? The more I thought about it, the dumber I thought I was. My friends also made a joke out of me behind my back--but I heard it anyway.
“Do you know that Mingxue got called on again by Ms. Tang?”
“Yeah. She sounds awful.”
“Right. She’s so dumb. How can she mispronounced one syllable words?”
“I can’t believe we’re friends with her. She is so stupid.”

The humiliation was just too tough for a 8 year old to handle. I became more diffident as I moved on to third grade. I would always daydream about myself talking as fluently and precisely as my classmate Rob would. Every word that was coming out of his mouth sounded just like one of the Fox News reporters. He always participates in class discussions but I didn’t even have the guts to speak a word out loud. I hated their judgement on my “funny accent.” I felt that all of the people in my class were more superior than me because they could speak English better than me.

I felt powerless, just like the author named Richard Rodriguez. In the “Hunger Of Memory,” he portrays himself as a language problematic child who was expected to be unsuccessful based on his Spanish accent. He came to an American school with just fifty basic English words and explains the painful path he took to be a part of the American society. This quote, “But, by being firm and so clear, the sound of his voice said that he was a grimy...he belonged in public society,” shows that Rodriguez thinks that the fact that he can’t speak with an American accent prevents him from being a part of the society he lives in now. To have the same or similar accent in a specific place means the distances between you and the person you’re talking to are closer. It is hard to be a minority who has a complete different accent from the majority of the population. You will feel overpowered as if the people who are fluent in the appropriate accent are suppose to be more superior than you. Your foreign accent is a symbol that reminds you are the minority. It is a voice in your brain that screams, “Your strong accent is more likely to be made fun of, than to be accepted by the people who speaks different than you.”    

To escape from the feeling that the people who speaks fluent English are better than me, I need to be audacious enough to face the judgements.The most terrifying place is school. Schools are made to correct and properly educate people. There is no mercy for foreigners. People would correct your grammar, your pronunciation, and your vocabulary. These humiliations I had in my elementary school are not the only incidents that pluck holes on my self-esteem. These incidents happen in my high school as well.

When I was typing up my first lesson plan, somebody's parent corrected my grammar while my friends just praised me for being an overachiever. At that time, my mind and my facial expressions weren’t cooperating. My mind wanted to erase this memory as if nothing had happened. I guess I probably looked embarrassed or furious after she said, “Please excuse me. That is my job. I am a book editor.” I tried to distract myself from this conversation by looking strongly at my screen, but a tap on my shoulder from this lady woke me up from the shame. Even if I am an overachiever, so what? This is not quality work. It is just quantity work that was rejected in the eyes of an editor, rejected from the cruel society. Even around my  friends who speak excellent English makes me feel insecure when they’re editing my essays.
Also, when my Asian friends praised my fluent English, I feel the guilt of accepting their compliments.

But, the feelings of comfort to speak Chinese is not as pleasant when I am speaking English. The timorousness to speak a foreign language as Rodriguez interpreted as “Not to understand this is to misunderstand the public uses of schooling...a family’s language...conveyed through those sounds was the reminder of being home.” It means that people are more challenged or uneasiness when speaking a foreign language because it overstepped their comfort zones. To speak your primitive language with a familiar accent that had been with you for all of your life is alleviating. School is made for public and you have to face obstacles as if you’re an adult. Language is a way to communicate but it is also the process to get the bitter taste of the world that let you step away from being nurtured. But, after the painful road to speak in a certain way in which is accepted or viewed as “professional,” you can be respected and gained power in a place you once felt so distant.

But, I have speak ten years of English, I become more open and stellar in articulating my English. When I was in ninth grade, one of my teachers, Ms. Kaita-Doe was astonished when she noticed how my grammar had improved over a thousand bounds through a report I sent her.
“I saw your report. It is awesome!”
“How is my grammar?”
“I got to admit that your grammar is perfect. It is a huge surprise to me considering the essay you wrote in seventh grade.’
“Yeah, I remember that you want me to edited it three times but I failed every time.”
“It seems like SLA is a great place for you.”
“It sure is. I have become more candid and more garrulous.”
“Before you graduated from Tilden, the only thing I was concerned about is your English. But, after I saw your report, I am not worried. So, good luck in high school. Bye”
“Bye.”
This video chat made me feel that my hard work, and humiliations I faced pays off. The feeling of being accomplish is too great to be expressed in words. I have regained my confidence after such a rough journey and returned in triumph. Now, many people wanted me to edit and give feedbacks to their essays and is willing to listen to my ideas.

Learning a new language can stressful for a foreigner. However, the process to be multilingual becomes one of the greatest achievement a person can earned through their hard efforts in which they would always remember.   

Comments (1)