Today I went to the poetry workshop at school. I am usually always the only white kid there, though today there was one other white boy one from some other school, I forget which one. Anyway the best part of the whole day was when I overhead piece of a conversation three kids were having. A girl seemed to be explaining to a boy what St. Patricks Day is.
"I don't fucking know! Basically I think it's when a bunch of white people wear green shirts and drink a lot and sometimes girls dress skanky."
"Yeah and that bright green is the WORST color on human skin..."
"That's because it is the color of some four leafed clover dummy."
"Yeah well, they should die the clover red or something."
It was the perfect snippet of conversation and it made my day.

so recently , i wanted to try something new. i wanted curly hair. ...the kind you buy though..because between me and the world there is no way that my nappy grain of hair could ever be curly.
i searched online for the best kind to get, some of the weaves were expensive and some were extremely cheap. i showed at least 15 people the hair style i wanted, and they all said . " no, you shouldnt get that, or no that wouldnt look right on you, try one thing at a time ." NOT ONE PERSON, agreed on this hairstyle that i admired so much. One thing i know about myself is that im easily influenced. so eventually i thought about it hard and long and ended up not really making up my mind because of what everyone said.  i wanted this curly hair though, really bad. some of my friends suggested i get a deep loose wave weave, or a straight weave instead. but something about this curl attracted me. now i never had a curly weave in my life, but

 anyway  , today i went to buy the hair. THE CURLY HAIR!  and although i dont really like the way it turned out and i see that curly hair isnt for me im glad that i listened to myself. im glad that i made a decision for myself.  i guess im finally taking the first steps into living for my own purpose.  im proud of me for considering other peoples opinions and still sticking to mines. im really proud.

Watching Good Will Hunting. Matt Damon's character is so smart I can't comprehend what he is saying. Why do they make geniuses talk so fast in movies? I feel like I have to be a genius to appreciate their character. As a result of me being an average human being and having an average IQ I automatically presume the character to be a cocky asshole who use their intelligence to insult others. I know they do this because geniuses typically aren't the muscular of people (ex: guy from Social Network) but it still bugs me. I gues because I envy them in a way and wish I were smart enough the degrade people using my knowledge and words, but I'm not. Oh well.

The other day I was listening to my favorite country radio station when the radio host played a call-in exchange. It went something like this:

old, not-all-there sounding woman: "Hello thank you so much for taking my call. You played a song at 11am today, it had somewhat of a spiritual nature, I was wondering if you could tell me the title of the song."

radio host: "oh, I think I know exactly what song you mean"

old woman: "that's great! I really liked the song, it was so uplifting I can't wait to hear it again"

radio host: "Okay so the song is called 'Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy'"

old woman: "I'm sorry, what was that? 'Make a Horse on a Cowboy?'"

radio host: "no ma'm, it was 'Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy'"

old woman: "Save... a Horse... Ride... ...a Cowboy?" 

radio host: "yup. Since you said you were looking for a song with a spiritual nature, I think that's just the song" 

old woman: "oh thank you so much. that song was so touching, it almost made me cry. I just can't wait to hear it again" 

I was cracking up... I wish I could've seen the look on that lady's face when she heard the song the guy gave her... I guess it's kind of a mean joke but oh gosh it was hilarious. I almost called in myself just to tell the radio host how he completely made my day with that one.

Today I was in my first ever poetry slam. I was really ready to start doing them three years ago when Mr. Kay first told me that I should. I was really really nervous though, so nervous that I just kept saying no even though he would keep on asking me to do them whenever they would come up, which is usually several times a month. One time I was actually going to but then we got there late and I missed the time to sign up so I did not get to go. From then on I just decided for myself that I didn't want to do it. Then in the end of Sophomore year and Junior year I really wanted to be in a slam finally but I kept making up excuses for myself at the last minute. I am really a lot more self conscious then people think I am​. Not about everything, but about a lot of things, particularly preforming. It is strange because I don't get nervous if I am talking with someone or having a conversation even with a large group of people, but when it is a lot of people I don't know and they are required to listen to me, and I am expected to make it worth their time, it makes me really nervous. I can read signs in a conversation, tell when things aren't going well and change the topic. If I wrote a poem I can only tell by facial expression and some minor body language, and though I can change my tone or a few words, I can't really just stop mid poem and "change the topic."
So yesterday I finally decided that I needed to stop putting it off, and that if I wasn't in a slam by the time I graduated, I would have wasted a big opportunity to work on this fear of mine. So I slammed today and actually I did really well. I was really nervous and my hand started to shake a little, but it always does that and Mr. Kay says as long as it doesn't come across in my voice or limit my actions it's ok. He said it can be my signature... we'll see about that. Everyone seemed to like my piece, there was a lot of "oohhhhs" and "DAYUM!s" from people. In the end I got three tens and one nine point nine and one nine point seven. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be for the past... three years. The hardest part was waiting till it was my turn because that made me nervous, but once I started my piece and I saw Mr. Kay and Mr. Greg and Ms. Minor and my whole team smiling and waiting for me to talk I felt ready finally. Then it just felt natural after that. I really wish I would have done this three years ago, it was really stupid on my part, I missed out on a lot.

There's me,
Looking down at my shoes.
The one smiling like the sun
That's you,
What were you thinking?
What was the song inside your head?

If I was stupid,
Maybe careless,
So were you...

Not everything is supposed to come true.
Some words are best unsaid,
Some love is not really love at all.
I'll keep everything I shared with you.
And that's enough,
There's us...

Today is my grandma's 80th birthday! Tonight I will be leaving Philly to visit her and my family an hour outside of Philly in a small town named "Bally." Tomorrow is her birthday party. It was suppose to be a surprise but we finally decided it would be best if she just knew. I cannot wait to celebrate with everyone. 

Japan was recently hit by a 8.9 earthquake whose aftermath lead to a tsunami which lead to a plant oil fire. Keep the country and the people in your prayers, I am.