American Typewriter

So, Comic Sans thinks he’s the big cheese, does he?  Horsefeathers!  Let me tell you, he’s all wet.  Drinks too much giggle water and he’s stuck on Futura!  American Typewriter is the kind of spiffy font you’re looking for!  I’m the cat’s meow!  A classy throwback to the days when every newspaper office was full of fedoras and cigarette smoke.  That was a swell time!  Nowadays everyone uses computers, but I’m still around!  Oh, the kids say Helvetica’s swanky, but you know what I say?  Applesauce!  I’m still a hotsy-totsy, hard-boiled darb, and Helvetica’s a sans-serif bluenose!  The whole thing makes me snap my cap.  Anyway, I’d better scram—I’m going to meet Times New Roman at the gin mill, and then we’re off to the joint to meet some keen dillies.