Him

She wanted Him, he wanted some other girl.
She thinks about Him all of the time, she wants Him more than anything, so she wastes her time on distractions.
She liked a boy named Michael and he liked her too. Too bad too late she found he had a girlfriend that wasn't her. Not that it mattered because even in her most flirtatious times she thought of Him not Michael.
She moved along, still liking Mike but knowing it would never work.
She liked a boy named Billy.
Billy was nice, single and lied a lot. She ignored it for a while. She still missed Him anyway, so what was a few lies, disappointments, and broken promises? Nothing.
She decided he was a distraction she was better off forgetting because she had enough pain to deal with without Billy.
She stopped everything.
She severed her connection with Billy, who really only wanted a relationship and not a friendship.
She finally got a hold of Him and found that he had always been thinking of her, dreaming of her, and loving her for as long as she loved Him. But it would never be enough, it never had been.

Relationship between power and language #4

Unfortunately my message didn't get across to others. When I got more comfortable with my speech I dared to say longer sentences and talk more but I still stumbled across words and would sound dumb.  When a group of people came to inspect our school I was one of the students chosen to talk to them.  We had an intelligent conversation about parenting of today's world and physhcology. our chat went smoothly, but right after I stepped out of the room my friends who sat close by said I sounded dumb even though I was saying smart things.  I was devastated. I had just started talking more and gaining confidence in my speech but i was smothered the instance my friends told I sounded dumb.  There wasn't much I could do but just keep on talking; it was the only way I would get better.  Days, weeks, and months went by and each day my lisp would fade away more and more, until I reached a point were my lisp was barely noticeable.  When I look back at my experience I realize how much power my voice gave me. I used it to win arguments, to express myself, and to show who I am. When I'd stopped talking as much because I got made fun of or sounded dumb a piece of my dignity was lost.  I let my power be swept away. This meant I lost my arguments, my self-expression was lost, and people didn't see who I was as much.  Although there were sometimes when I stumbled across words and be teased I learned that the only thing to do was to talk more therefore making my speech better. 

" How Religion Affects the High-school Experience " by Winston Wright

​So when someone mentions something so personal as religion, it is obviously known that people can become easily offended. It is not often that religion causes commotion between young people (at least in America...) but sometimes it happens.! In this podcast you will find some mind bottling interview, and one story (that's right ONE story, only one). 
-
 Winston W. Wright
Religions in Highschool Podcast- WInston wright

Re-write the first page of a book

So I decided to do Pride and Prejudice (probably my favorite book in the whole world :] ).

Everybody knows that a rich single guy wants to get married. So if one of these guys moves into a neighborhood, the families living nearby usually consider this poor guy the rightful property of their daughter.

"Honey," Mr. Bennet's wife said to him one day, "did you hear- somebody's finally rented out Netherfield Park!" 

Mr. Bennet answered that no, he hadn't heard.

"It's true!" she said, "Mrs. Long was just here and she told me all about it."

Mr. Bennet took another sip of his soda.

"Don't you want to know who's renting it?" whined Mrs. Bennet.

"Well you obviously want to tell me so go ahead."

Mr. Bennet's reply was just the amount of prodding his wife needed, and she went on.

"Okay, so Mrs. Long told me that Netherfield was just rented by this rich young guy from Northern England. He came down on monday in a fancy car to see the place and he loved it so much that he agreed with Mr. Morris that very day. He's going to move in by Michaelmas, and some of his servants are going to be here by the end of next week!"

"What's his name?"

"Bingley."

"Is he married or single?"

"Oh, he's single all right! A single man with a large fortune; four or five thousand a year. Oh, what a wonderful thing for our girls…" Mrs. Bennet smiled excitedly.

"How so? What does he have to do with them?"

"Oh honey," his wife answered, "how can you be so stupid! Obviously I mean that he should marry one of them."

"Oh, is that why he moved here?" Mr. Bennet replied sarcastically.

It's Hair Again

My birthday is in a week. On my birthday last year, I got my hair cut because it was severely damaged and broken off. For the past few weeks, I've been dealing with my severely damaged and broken off hair. Maybe it's a seasonal thing. I'm not cutting it all off again. Or maybe I will. I just want to grow it back out the right way... again. 

So Contagious

There once was this band that I absolutely LOVED.  They were known as "Acceptance".  A few years ago, the band decided to split up and go their separate ways.  Most of the previous members went off to join other bands that were not nearly as good as "Acceptance".  I was really shocked and upset to hear the news of the band's break-up.  However, their music still lives on.  My favorite song is still "So Contagious" from their album, "Phantoms".

Click here to listen!


Acceptance+_band
Acceptance+_band

Snow day!

​You open your eyes and curse your alarm clock.  You wipe the crust from your eyes and the drool from your cheek.  It's a Tuesday morning, but might as well be Monday.  Your eyes sting as you turn towards the blinding white light streaming in from your window.  You put your bare feet on the icy wood floor and grope your way, half-blind, to your computer.  You type in the school district's website. 

Hallelujah! Snow day!

You collapse back into bed.   

Promises Promises

“Never let go.” “I won’t, promise.”

Jerry Springer: Based on Antigone

Script:


Entrance:
Guest is sitting on stage in a chair; audience applauding and yelling “Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!”

Jerry: Hello everyone! Lets welcome today’s guest Paul. (audience applauds)
Paul is here because he has two shocking secret to revile to his two sisters Antiqua and Isabella.
Paul.. what’s up? What is the shocking secret?

Paul: Well Jerry, let me start off by saying that i love my sisters to death, and I would never do anything to intentionally or deliberately hurt them. My “mother” and I were going to tell them together but she passed away a few days ago. I know it may seem too sudden to tell them this big secret.. It’s more like a confession really.. But I’m here to tell my sisters that not only am I their brother, I’m also their biological father.

(audience screaming “ohhhhhh”)

Jerry:WOW! So.. explain this, how I mean I know how (audience laughs) but no seriously, this is big stuff.. When did you and your mom.. start.. you know..


Paul: Jerry; I know how it sounds.. But it just happened I didn’t know she was my mom when I got with her. I don’t expect anyone to understand but it wasn’t intentional, I would never intentionally sleep with my own mother, i mean really come on how does that sound...

Jerry: Well how does what your telling me sound.. ( audience laughs)
Well Paul your sisters are backstage, so they heard everything you just said.
Everyone welcome Paul’s sisters, Antiqua and Isabella!
(audience cheers)

Entrance:
Antiqua comes in yelling  and screaming obvious dissatisfied with the information she just heard; Isabella follows behind her more collected and understanding.

Antiqua: What the Fuck is going on!!!? When did this happen!? Like, what is this! MOM! mom though Paul your nasty Ugh this is crazy!

Isabella: Antiqua relax, let him talk..

Antiqua: Let him talk!? He said enough did you not just hear what I heard? All these years we haven’t  had a father and now Paul our Brother wanna tell us some shit like this No!

Paul: Ann I’m sorry! Just let me try to explain myself, it’s not what it sounds like.
*trying to reach for her shoulder

Antiqua: What could you possibly say to make this any less disgusting!? Are you my brother or my father!? Only one, you can only be one Paul! oh my God!!!

Paul: I didn't tell you guys because I myself didn't know that she and I was related, let along mother and son.

Antiqua:  You know what I really don’t care if you knew or not! The point is you have known for so long and you kept it from me! from us! NO It’s unacceptable! And on top of everything you embarrassing me in on national Tv! I’m done! I don’t wanna be part of this! None of it!

Isabella:  Paul; please try to explain yourself, I can see where your coming from Ann but really we need to know the truth so Paul go ahead..

Paul: Please just hear me out I just found out recently right before my wife/mom committed suicide.

Jerry: So let me get this straight, you saying that, you are their brother and their father, and you were going to tell them with your mom slash wife then she committed suicide?
Wow this might be more then the Jerry show can handle (audience laughs)..
Why didn’t you both tell them earlier, why now?

Paul: Jerry they need a father figure in their lives, since my wife/mom dies they have been depressed and I think i need to step up and be more for  them, they deserve it.
I just want to clarify to them that I didn’t do this knowingly, I would have tried to avoid it by all means if i knew. Sometimes you just find yourself in irreversible situations that you have no choice but to accept and embrace as a part of life.

Jerry: Isabella; you seem really quiet over there, what’s on your mind, whats your take on this situation?

Isabella: Jerry I really don’t know what to think. Obviously I’m not pleased with what I am finding out but I’m not going to be mad at it forever, like Paul said sometimes we just have to accept and embrace irreversible situations as a part of life..I just see it as I already lost my mother. I won’t loose another family member.

Antiqua: Are you kidding me Isabella!? He slept with our mother! They both lied to us! It’s-

Paul: Actually mom didn’t know I was her son.... *tearing up
please forgive me
* taking a breather turning away

Jerry: Paul what else do you need to tell your family?

Paul: Ann, Isabella, Let me just tell you the full story, try to understand and just hear me out; when I was born I was given away because of a curse that was put on my mother while she was pregnant with me.  It was said that I would kill my father and marry my own mother. I heard about it later while I was living with my new family.. I tried to run away so that it wouldn’t come true. I ended up running away to my real family instead, and without knowing the curse was fulfilled..

Antiqua: That sounds like such Bull shit! How do you expect anyone to believe that!?
And that still does not explain how mom didn’t know!

Paul: That’s why she killed herself OK!!     *crying
She killed herself when she found out I was her son!
Ann you have to believe that we would never do this knowingly!
I just wanted to come clean so that it was out in the open, I really want to be more then a brother to you girls or at least let you both know that I’m always going to be here for the both of you regardless of what happens.


Antiqua: You know what, I don’t even know what to make of any of this... I’m so hurt, I feel so deceived and lied to; point is I don’t think there is an explanation in the world to justify what happened. I mean I heard his story but I can’t accept this. I really can’t it’s just wrong and I wont have it. I don’t want to be part of this family, I’m don’t with him and her, she knows what happened she hears what he is saying and is still okay with it.

Isabella: Ann you can think what you want but I think he’s telling the truth. And everyone deserves a second chance, you can go your way and think what you want, but I’m okay with Paul being my brother and my dad.

Jerry: Well it’s almost time to end this episode is there anything you want to tell your sisters before we go?

Paul: I guess i lost a sister and gained a daughter today. I’m just glad the truth is out and they both know. I love them regardless of anything.

Jerry: That concludes today’s episode of; “ The division between daddy and daughter!


Jerry’s Final Thought:


As we conclude this segment, we should all keep in mind that the unexpected is to be expected. Sometimes things happen that are out of your control that you can either accept or reject; but none the less you have a choice. We realize there are different types of people in the world and some people are unchangeable. They believe in one thing and stick to it; even if it means sacrificing those they love. Others go through life forgiving and forgetting, moving on from a lie or their past and simply moving forward. What we have encountered today was something that could have innocently happened to anyone of us, so don’t be so quick to judge and just think, “what if it happened to me?”

Tune in tomorrow for “My sister is a He!” thank you all and goodnight!

Undignified

 

Undignified

Not a person; but a gender.

Not an Identity but a Role.

Not a chance But a destiny.

Not an Option or a Goal.

 Most of us have no choice but to abide by our doctrine rules.

Immortal and Irreligious is what my parents consider the development of my mind.

To be educated is a privilege; and I am not of that standard.

I am a woman.

I have a duty.

I have a planned future to marry and care.

The works of my womb will be the only identity I have to define who I am.

I am a woman.

My skirt and vale make me inferior.

I see the boys with their new uniforms in the morning while I make my baba tea.

I ponder on what it is that happens in these places.

What they learn.

What they read.

What they speak about.

I wonder what it would be like to be there; but after a second the guilt of my thoughts haunt me as I ask Allah for forgiveness and thank him again for my life.

I don’t have the right to desire something I have never had.

I will marry and be a wife.

I will please my husband and keep my mind young and naïve.

My skirt and vale make me inferior.

What grows in my womb makes me a woman.

My age says I’m a child.

My mind is ignorant to anything I am not permitted to learn.

Not a person; but a gender.

Not an Identity but a Role.

Not a chance But a destiny.

Not an Option or a Goal.

Just a woman.

Snow day... Seriously

So this is my darling mother and myself conversation this morning:
"Sis could you pleasssssse go clean off my car"
Narcissa:  we have no school
" CCP is still open :( "
Narcissa: Oh well you could just be like Ackerman and tell those people to stay home, they already know you practically run the nursing department, your the best teacher in there :D
" Oh that is so nice....GO CLEAN OFF MY CAR!... Oh wait sis ( after I have my clothes on ready to go outside)  You can wait to the sun comes out :D, You want some pancakes?

My Life

Art, for 2/21/11

Art, its from the heart


I just wanted to use this post to express how I feel about something. people seriously don't understand art, its not just paintings or poems, and you can't just "do it" art is 10% skill, and 90% feelings, if you don't feel like doing it, it wont be as good as what you want to do

art can be anything that has style, even some sports, Movement is an art, you can move with your own personal style, and no one moves just like you do, words are art, cooking is art, even the way you communicate could be considered art

art is not skill, art is heart, and style

(and Incident Z will be continued shortly)

A Poem Concieved While Choking On Tea

As the title explicitly states, I conceived this poem while choking on tea. I felt it worthy of being posted not for its content or structure, both somewhat commonplace, but rather for the thrilling fact that this is the manner in which I confronted the notion of death by tea. Though it is impossible for me to die from that particular incorrect ingestion of the beloved drink, I find it sensational how terribly dramatic this rhyme is considering the circumstances

Death by Tea
I have dreamed of wasted talent.
I have dreamed of foreign shores.
I have dreamed of all this planet.
Now I find, I'll dream no more.

My face hurts.

So on Thursday afternoon, around 4pm I went to a dermatologist that claimed she could 'fix' my face. I personally dont like to say fix because I dont think that anyone has a broken face, however that is how she phrased it. I of course did not say anything but it really got me thinking, what one person really thinks of another person whether it be a professional confrontation or just a casual social. How do people's thoughts of others change depending on the situation? It lingered in my head throughout the whole procedure and even after getting a needle put into my face around 100 times, i could still think about it. 

Thoughts that keep me awake at night

A quote by C. S. Lewis that I really like: An explanation of cause is not a justification by reason.

It really makes me think about why people do the things they do. What are the reasons for people's actions? How do you justify your actions you're when put in a difficult situation? I always look back at things I've done and often doubt my sanity. 

Textual Love.

Sept. 8.

Hey there babe, hope you had a fantastic nights sleep and have a wonderful day at school. You’ll be on my mind for sure<3

 

Sept. 9.

I need to be honest. I like you a lot but I’m scared to get too close to you.

Me: You can’t be scared if you don’t take the chance, you’ll never know what you could’ve had.

If we had the time I’d dive in head first.

Me: This fucking sucks, like, I legit want to cry right now. Alright, look. I feel the same way, but I don’t wanna lose you. I wanna get to know you more and I wanna spend time with you before you go away… like I seriously started rethinking me and Tom after we started talking and when I found out you were leaving I got so confused.

You won’t lose me, I promise.

Me: <3.

I want you to be the first person I see when I come back and I wanna talk to you everyday in some form.

Me: I’m a text away baby, you know that. I will never ignore you, &I wanna see you as soon as you come home.

That text makes me want you so bad.

Me: I wanna be with you so bad. Like, what the fuck.

I don’t believe in the whole love at first site thing, but I feel like what we have is kinda close.

 

Sept.9.

You’re beautiful.

 

Sept.10.

Maybe if I Google most beautiful girl in the world I can find your picture.

 

Sept.10.

Love is too soon but I can’t see anyone being any more perfect than you for me.

 

Sept.10.

Hey there beautiful. Good morning.. hope you had a refreshing nights sleep and I can’t wait to see you tonight <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3 text me when you get up.

 

Sept.11.

I wanted to turn around the whole way home.

 

Sept.11.

Good morning love! I was so glad I got to spend that time with you. Being with you felt amazing. I thought about you until I fell asleep. Hope you slept well babe <3.

 

Sept.11.

You’re beautiful! Love you!!

 

Sept.11.

I wanna tell you I love you as much as I can before I go.

 

Sept.12.

Me: I love how I looked like shit and you didn’t even care.

I don’t know what you’re talking about, I was just with the most beautiful girl in the world.

Me: Haha, aw (:

I’m home and I’m sorry I like to goof around I wasn’t trying to be too forward by like grabbin ya boobs I was foolin around.

Me: Matt, relax. I’m comfortable around you. I don’t mind it<3 and I know you’re goof, I love it.

I don’t wanna screw anything up with you not the tiniest thing.

 

Sept.12.

Good morning beautiful <3 I am so sorry I fell asleep on you I was exhausted. I hope you slept well and I hope you enjoyed my company last night <3<3<3 love you.

 

Sept.12.

I told my sister where you lived and she asked and she said is she ghetto and I said nope. I said I got a new girlfriend and she said who and I said  yeah, she’s a beautiful young lady.

 

Sept.12.

I loved being able to just sit with you last night.

 

Sept.12.

I’d rather be with you.

Me: <3

You never say sweet things like that to me.

Me: I do too.. If you’d like I can write you a whole paragraph.

I mean, that would be amazing.

Me: I think you’re amazing. I don’t know what I’m going to do while you’re gone. Your good morning texts make my day go by so much better than they usually would and you’re the sweetest guy that has ever walked into my life. It hasn’t been long since we first met, but you drive me crazy. Your personality is perfect and we look adorable together. I wish I would’ve met you sooner but then again, everything happens for a reason. I love being with you and when you leave I wish you’d come back and stay.

Wow, that gave me butterflies.

Sept.12.

Shawty you da best.

Me: Da best you ever had?

Honestly… yes you’re so perfect. I could just hold you and kiss you all day.

 

Sept.12.

I can’t believe I’m not gonna get to kiss you tonight. How will I sleep?

 

Sept. 12.

I care a lot about you and I don’t want anything to go wrong.

 

Sept. 12.

You’re the first girl I’ve known who I can act so comfortable around. I love you, sleep tight, and I’ll talk to you in the morning.

 

Last 10 Seconds

It was the heat of the moment. The home team was down by 1 point. All they had to do was score. They away team took the shot and misses. Number 8 jumps up for the rebound with 10 seconds left on the clock. He dribbles to half court to be stuck by defense. 7 seconds left on the clock. He dribbles to the left and right and soon number 21 was open. He bounce passed the ball to number 21 with 5 seconds left on the clock. Number 21 takes the ball and dashes to the hoop. As the clock reaches 2, number 21 jumps up above the defense and slams the ball through the hoop for the winner score. The home team won.

Just Go With It

Today I woke up, played with my ferret (who I named Draco) and went to my mom's house. At my mom's house I met up with my friend Elena who has been a part of my life since we were in first grade. She now lives in Willow Grove and I don't get to see her often. So, she comes over, we go to the mall to see a movie, miss the first showing and have to kill an hour and a half in an extremely tiny mall, and then we finally watched the movie (Just Go With It, it was amazing). Afterward we drove around, she did a very poor job of trying to avoid Knorr Street without me noticing because she didn't want me upset and I haven't had this much fun in a long time. I love my friends.

Like Father, like daughter...

The memories I have of my father are mostly the ones of him being in the hospital. Spending days with him in those rooms, watching and sitting with him in those beds...Seeing it so much, and promising that I would never let that happen to me...I..was wrong.

I spent the last week worrying, crying, being scared over everything in my life. Monday through Wednesday, I was two types of sick. The first, from the combination of my stomach and sinuses and the second was from the fear of going into the hospital for my endoscopy exam. I felt so many emotions, that I could've written more then enough stories for class, but no words could come to mind. I spend those days talking to only to Perry, seeing no one but my mom, and trying hard not to have any panic attacks. I would get the occasional IM from other people but they would stop talking after one or two messages, but I digress

Thrusday came, my heart stopped cold. I wanted so much not to go. I understood everything (how the procedure would go, that I would be asleep, that it wouldn't take long) but it didn't take away any more of the fear. The fear of being in the hospital (like I swore I wouldn't) and the fear of waking up during the procedure, like my father did. I wanted so much to have a friend with me, I wanted so much to be home, I wanted so much to be done with this, but I wanted to see my dad again.

There I was, changed into the gown and sitting on the gerny, waiting to be taken back into the room. My mom kept saying "everything will be ok" but the only thing I could feel was fear, sadness and anger. I was mad at myself for letting my health get so bad. I started to cry.

I layed down, in the room, on the gerny, while the nurses and doctors hooked me up to every machine they had. The worse was the IV. It felt like I was being stabbed in the back of my hand and on my wrist. I cried harder, whining "I want my dad. I want daddy here with me." I felt like a fool, 17 years old and I was crying because of a needle in my hand. Now it was time for the aneastedic, or so I though because now I was being made to get up so that they could run a test that they had forgoten.

Finally, I was back on the gerny, hooked up to everything once again, and now I wasn't nervous. I was more so anxious to just get it over with. They gave me the aneastedic and told me my ears would start ringing before I fell asleep as well as put a guard in my mouth to keep it open. Everything seemed ok, until an odd feeling hit me quick and my ears did ring. I felt dizzy and found myself mumbling something I never thought I would, then darkness.

I woke up in a different room and heard my mom's voice. I was happy that it was all over...but there were a few things on my mind like seeing my friends, finally having something to eat (since I couldn't eat anything the day before up to the exam), and wondering if how I was feeling was the same way my dad felt...

Now, it is over and done with. Nothing is wrong but I still feel sick...and I still wish my dad was here to make me feel a bit better about it all...