Father and Daughter

(Personal Essay) 

Sometimes in life, people fail at a certain point. Failing is definitely normal in our human lives. Some people may even think it is unfair, when it comes to a difficult situation at a moment in our lives. To any situation, no matter how hard it can be to understand. I personally believe that, there’s always a solution to every problem. For an example, There was a time in my life, that I failed to change my dad personality and our relationship. Me and my dad were having a difficult father and daughter relationship because we couldn’t communicate with each other clearly and till today, we still continue to struggle.

When it comes to having a deep talk with my parents, it usually comes out as not what I expected to be or planned. Sometimes, I usually would want to talk to my parents about a serious situation or either getting advice from them. Starting a conversation with my dad can be pretty difficult, he would normally listen but at the end, it can turn out to be in a argument. At times, I question myself that is it even worth talking to my dad because it always turns out to be a debate? I usually failed, I tried to get in touch with me dad but it never works out. On the other hand, my mom is a sweetheart and understands the most because she knows exactly, what is going on in my life and knows exactly, who I really am. Just like they say, mother knows best.

This shows that me and my parents have a different relationship between each other. Especially, with my relationship with my dad. Our difficulties had started with family issues from the past. Having family issues is never a good experience nor a good thing. Especially, when your parents begin to argue or one parent decides to leave the house. When I was younger, around the age of six. My parents began to have troubles with each other. Everyday, when I came home from school, they began to argue in front of me and my siblings in the kitchen table. At that time, I was young and clueless because had no idea, what was going on or knew what they were arguing about. There was a lack of communication with my dad because he was never around the house. Especially, when my mom needed help from him, my dad was never present.

The first time when I realized, that my parents began to have problems was a night full of tears and frustration. On that same night, I couldn’t sleep. I was laying down in my warm bed and a deep silence was surrounding me. I looked outside of the window and saw there was a clear dark sky. I started to stare at the bright full moon, begged the moon to put me back to sleep. That night, I remembered my dad was going to come home early from work. Supposedly, my dad promised to return home by 9pm. When I checked the time, it was 2am in the morning on a Thursday. I couldn’t sleep without knowing my dad was safe. I was worried sick, I didn’t know what to do. I was afraid and there was fear inside of me that I couldn’t let go. 

I began to be curious, so I decided to escape from my room. Opening the door was a nerve wrecking because I had a feeling in my gut that something bad was going to happen between my mom and dad. I didn’t know, what exactly was the situation. I was curious about what was my mom doing in the living watching novelas at 2am in the morning. As I walked out, I heard my mom talking on the phone, I predicted it was my dad. My mom was nearly yelling over the phone, I was lost and confused. I slowly, hid myself under the kitchen table to hear my mom conversation. I stood under the table at least for 20 minutes straight, to hear my mom argument with my dad about hanging out with a group of friends at the bar. 

I  peaked over in the living room, to check upon my mom. When I looked over at my mom, I seen my mother seeing tears. It was heartbreaking to see my mom cry. I wouldn’t think that no one would like to see their mom cry, once in their life. Finally, my mom had hanged up the phone. My mom looked at the phone and threw the house phone across the room. The phone had hit the heater, then broke into pieces. At that moment, I was frozen and scared. I never seen my mother, angry or in tears before. I wanted step up my game and help my mom but I knew that she didn’t want any of her children to see her crying. I stood at the same place as I was in the beginning, under the table in the kitchen. I started into burst tears. 

My mom never noticed that I was by her side, the whole entire time. I wanted to be there for my mom, when in times come in need. That night, I remembered I stood in the corner being crawled up in a ball, waiting for my dad to come home. I was half awake and half asleep at the moment but I refused to sleep without seeing my dad. About a 30 minutes later, I heard a strange sound that came from the living room, I peaked over in the room and saw that it was my dad holding up a pizza box and white bag. My dad seem strange, he wasn’t himself that night. My dad smelled like alcohol, he was drinking with his friends at the bar. My dad dropped his stuff and went to go change into a different outfit, and there he goes again out the door. But keep in mind, this wasn’t the only time my dad had made mistakes. 

Years later, I became older and wiser about my dad’s actions. I was aware of every decision he made because I think it’s something that I needed to know. My dad had so much work days, that I wasn’t able to see him. I realized, that alcohol was a his biggest weakness. It explained a lot of absence at home and the answer to my question. Till today, when I see my dad, he would usually drink bottles of beer. My dad became addicted to alcohol, the alcohol is what caused him to make bad decisions. It took over his mind, to do wrong. I have other younger siblings, who watches my dad drink bottles of beer in front of them which is based upon bad influence. When I had the chance to help out, I failed to keep my dad to stay on track. I tried my best to keep myself positive and get rid of all the bad memories from the past, but suddenly it’s still attached to me like a demon. It kills me to see my dad struggle, but theres nothing much I can do about it.