First Things Firsts

There is always a first for everything. Each thing that you have done, riding a bike, playing an instrument, there was always that first time you experienced it. Because we have all had so many firsts it seems that the majority of them are pushed under the carpet so that only what is considered to be the most important firsts are what is shared. When you’re a child it’s your first words and steps. Although these are exciting for yourself, it seems to bring more joy to your parents. As we age, the firsts that are considered important become our first day of school and first time riding a bike and from there to first kisses and part time jobs. These are the firsts that most people remember, the ones that are kept on a shelf rather than under the bed. But why were these the memories that have been chosen for us to recall? What if they were swapped out for the first picture you took or the first real meal you ever cooked? Shouldn’t the memories of firsts depend on the person rather than all of us who have a version of the same story? It could show what is important enough to that person to remember the first time it happened.

“Come on Indee, we’re going to be late,” my dad called from the stairs. I started to put on my other sneaker. I sprinted down the stairs where my parents and Aunt and Uncle were waiting. We all piled into the car and drove through the night. When we got to the Electric Factory it was already full of people and buzzing with conversation. “Over 21, come and get a stamp,” a man with a chubby face called. We all entered into the building. It was hot, and smelled of stale beer, perspiration, and fifty different perfumes. Everyone's bodies were so close together and there was no room for personal space. As I stood, wide eyed, I realized how amazing this was. So many people here for the same reason, to listen to some good, live music. I had never seen anything like it. When the band went on everyone went wild. Arms flew up, heads and hips bobbed from side to side. You could tell what everyone's favorite song was because when it came on they would sing along like they were the one performing. Something about this type of connection felt so powerful. I couldn’t get enough of the bass blaring through the speakers, the beating of my heart matching its pace to that of the drums. “So, what did you think of your first concert?” my aunt asked as we were slowly being pushed out by the mob of bodies. It was exhilarating and beautiful. It filled me with an energy that pulsed through my fingers and toes.

Like everything in life, there are positives and negatives. So of course there are positive firsts and negative firsts. Like first love and first heartbreak. The majority of firsts that I mentioned were more joyous and I find that a lot of the time we accentuate the joy and pretend as if the sadder things do not exist. However it is those melancholy firsts that so greatly help shape who we are. Our first experience with loss, first breakdown, or heartbreak. Without these first, which at the time seem like the worst and only thing that matters, we would never be able to grow and learn, to understand and change so that the second or even third time we don’t make the same mistake. It’s sometimes good to follow the branches grow from your roots, to see how your firsts have affected the you of today.

If I were to choose three firsts that make me, who I am, I wouldn’t be able to. I know that this is not true for all but I feel that I have not lived enough years to decide exactly who I am or who I might be. I know the firsts that are not on the list. The first time I rode a bike, baked a cake, and stubbed my toe. But that doesn’t take the importance out of them. It’s just that I know what has left its mark on me and what has slowly faded to the background. In times when I need to lighten up I can think back to those firsts that make my eyes glimmer and when I need to remember a lesson I learned I can recall the times that dulled the bright glow. Maybe we should all stop focusing so intently on the future full of hundredths and thousandths  and just take a second to close our eyes and remember the firsts.