Pipeline Monologue Project

Above Ground

Hi folks. Now, this may come off a bit odd to you people, but I’m a piece of the ground. Now, I bet you're wondering why this even matters? Well, the truth is, I have feelings too. And this pipeline thing? That is a serious no-no for me. I live in South Dakota, along the edge of the state. I like where I live, its nice, there is some local wildlife, friendly people, but not very many. And, you know what, my already low amount of neighbors will be getting smaller. If you are wondering why, then the blame goes to the Keystone XL Pipeline. This monstrous excuse of a American economic boom is a sickening piece of destruction, that is trying to directly inject poison into my body. And you know what? I like my body.

Where to start! So, the people building this pipeline think it is a nice addition to my body to stick a giant, long, obtrusive pipe straight through me, sitting in front of my face? Though I may be in an area with a low level of inhabitants, that doesn’t mean I want a construction project in the way, scaring off the wildlife and making the nature around me look terrible and unnatural.

Now, a pipeline is ugly enough from a physical direction. What happens when that pipeline is damaged? The oil, of the very corrosive tar sands variety, comes pouring out, gallons upon gallons a minute. This stuff is terrible? Now, I won’t get into how bad the mining process is, but it kills. This oil, when getting into the water, straight up murders any animal that drinks from that water. Some parts of this pipeline go over water sources for not just small woodland animals, but humans! You guys are poisoning yourself over a stinking pipeline, and you don’t have effective enough ways of getting it out. And the carbon dioxide coming out of this crack? Are you guys trying to make me look like a chain smoker? You humans say you are trying to cut down on C02 emissions, but the pipeline is effectively adding the emissions of 5.6 million cars, in the Unites States only.

If this hasn’t been clear for you listening, let me make it clear. I hate this pipeline. Hate it! It is filling the ground with poisonous, cancer giving goo that gets on and in everything you humans and the wildlife ever could possible touch. It makes me look ugly, pours stuff on me, and makes me stink. But, even more so than that, it makes me lose all respect for you humans as a race. You are the ones killing yourselves with this. It may turn me into a plague ridden monster, but it won’t kill me. I can’t die. I just sit there. All of the actual damage is done to you and your resources. It makes me sad.

The Angry Canadian

Dear TransCanada,

I am a mother of three living in Alberta, Canada, near the Boreal Forests. I am writing with a desperate plea to the board. This operation, the Keystone XL pipeline, is a destructive menace to my cherished community. I believe that you will be responsible for a large amount of damage to the local environment, and that you need to take responsibility by cancelling the pipeline project.

The project is just a generator of poison. The use of tar sands oil is the major problem. Tar sands oil is a destructive thing. It’s refinement revolves around pumping water and heat to extract bitumen, which the oil is refined from, which fills the water with toxic sludge! They are using drinking water. Our drinking water! This is a huge problem. My children drink this water! They breathe this air! What are you trying to pull here? The things you are releasing into the system are giving people cancer! Do you want to give my children cancer? I don’t think you have any right to be making this pipeline.

Do you know whatcha’ve done?You’ve gone and made a canadian woman angry. Believe me, we’re not the folks who get angry over every little thing, but when we’re mad, we’re mad. You know those forests I mentioned? Do you know where those are? That’s right, they WERE where you are drilling. But, you know what, not anymore. You tore down those those forests? And the caribou? The endangered caribou? What about them you wonder? Oh, I’ll tell you all about them. You killed them! That’s what you did! You are trying to kill my children! You are giving indigenous people cancer! And, now, you do it all by killing a precious natural site, and its caribou? I’m going to write some more strongly worded letters now!

Yours Disgustingly,

Theresa Mcintosh

Biased Toy Story

(A boy, four years of age, is playing with a set of trains. He is being questioned by reporters.)

Oh, you want me to tell you about daddy’s new pipeline? That thang he is helping get built out there aaaallllll the way across ‘murica? Well, lemme tell you all about it. Daddy and his company are making a BIIIG pipe, to move all of the oil from Canadia. You know, Canadia is a reaaally long way from Dallas. Thats where I live. Daddy’s friends are moving the oil 2147 miles. Daddy has never said a big word like that before. Well, he only says that when talking about money. Daddy says we will get lots of oil, and lots of money! And the money means more toys for me!

(Little boy turns to continue playing when he hears the inaudible response from the reporters.)

What? You said that the pipe is gonna be bad? Well, daddy says the pipe will be very good! He says that it will give lots of people jobs! There will be lots of stuff to build, and the pipe will give lots of people jobs building it. So, lots of people will have jobs and the pipeline is very, very good for you guys!

And, and, the pipeline, it gives lots of money to America! Now, daddy told me that America had to give all of its money to buy guns from China, so I have to work hard and bring millions of millions of dollars into America. So, what the oil is doing is giving lots of money to America, so they can pay back China, and so I can get lots of money and buy more toys!

(Child is in tears by now. It is the beginning of a temper tantrum.)

What about the dying trees? I don’t care. Trees die to make paper, so they die to make toys and oil and more toys. I don’t care what you say. The oil is good. Daddy says it is good, and the people that daddy talks to say it is good. So, it has to be good. Shut up! Leave! Daddy, these mean people are saying that I need to read more about the earth! Make them go away!