A Chapter of my Life

  Growing up I never really had the childhood I ever wanted . When I was 5 my parents got a divorce. They went their separate way. My father went to stay at his sister house. My mother moved back with her parents. And as for me and two youngest siblings, we stayed with our mother. When my parents separated we was too young to understand or know the reason why. We just know that my parents hated each other. They never spoke about it. Nor the family. All i ever saw was when my father came to visit my mother never spoke to him. She acts if he’s not there. As days passes my parents never spoke to each other. My father didn’t come as much and my mother moved on and didn’t care as much.

   When my father left I never understood why he had to. He and my mother should of slept in different rooms. It would of made things better.  When he came to visit the only time I ever saw him was every two weeks or every other month. Whenever he came he would take me and my brothers out shopping, out to eat and do all the other stuff. When he was done he would leave and we would not see him until the next two weeks or month . He always told us before he left that he was going to work to make money to take us out again. The hours we spent with my dad were the best times ever. We did so many things and it was one of the most unforgettable things ever. Even though he wasn't around like he was suppose to he would always talk to us. Tell us how we should be. Don't be like him and my mom . He wanted us to Grow up and be somebody. Have a good life . Go to school . And to make sure I listen to my grandmother"Everything he told us,we would listen . My father wasn't a bad father, even though he wasn't around he would tell us right from wrong .

  I remembered when he took us fishing it was something really unexpected. Before we got to the place I pictured it with trees,  the lake and a deck where we can sit and fish. But Instead of that when we got there, comes to find out we were at the back of the airport at a dirty river fishing for fun. We never really caught anything. But we did still enjoyed ourselves. Another time was when we went to his sister house. She had a party and he thought us how to climb on the walls in the hallway where we would put one foot up against one side of the wall as the other foot on the other side of the wall . And we would repeat the same steps until we touched the ceiling. We kept doing until we grew tired of playing. That night when we stop his sister started to scream out my fathers name and it scared the hell out of us because we thought something had happen to her. But instead she was screaming his name because there were foot prints all over the side of each wall from our dirty feet. She just kept yelling and yelling and yelling until my dad agreed to buy paint and repaint the walls.  It was hilarious because as my father was painting he still would crack jokes and make everything more exciting.  Although my father wasn't around as he was suppose to, he still acted like one. He would still come around take us out, and made sure we make the best of it.

 My mother on the other hand. She wasn't around as much as she was suppose to nor how my dad was . Even though we lived in the same house. When we moved to our grandparents house I barely saw my mother . She would work, And after work she would go out and get  a couple of drinks with her friends. On the weekend she would go out, come home late, and sometimes she would not come back home until the next day, or sometimes weeks. I remembered when she took us out over her friends house and we slept over there because she was too drunk to come back home. When we got back to our grandparents house my grandmother was screaming because she was worried sick about my brothers and I. I remembered he saying “why would you take the kids with you if you know you wasn’t gonna come back home. You are drinking and taking your kids with you something bad could of happen. My grandmother used to get mad everyday and every night, because my mom would always go out. She would scream at everyone because my mother would never come home . It was like ever since my parents split my mother was a different person. She drinks more, goes out everyday, she was never home. I never understood her feelings at the time or how she was reacting at that time. But not only hurting herself but she was hurting my grandmother.

  My grandmother would be very stressed because at the time my family didn't have much . She went to work, she made sure my brothers and I was well taken cared of. But other than that living in a 3 bedroom house apartment with like 10 people living there was really difficult. My grandmother was a family person. It didn't really matter to her how many people was living with her. She just love the family being together. My grandmother loved her kids and her grand kids she did everything for us and was very over protective. It used to drive everyone crazy. Especially me. She never wanted me to go outside because she thinks something bad might happen to me. Even If she would go to work she would tell our neighbor and her friends to make sure I stay in the house. But I really didn't care because I always had my brothers to play with. I never blamed my grandmother for doing the things she did because she always wanted to make sure I'm on the right tract and don't end up like my mother and father. My grandmother practically raised my brother and I growing up, after my mom left and father. She taught me many things, showed me how should I handle and do things. How I should not end up like my mother leaving her kids.

As I got older I started to realize that I don't need my parents anymore. Even if they came around once in the blue moon. I would go to school, come home, eat , do my homework, help my brother with his homework and play with my baby brother. My grandmother always told me "As a big sister , my duties are to go to school, come home do my homework, eat, and make sure my little brothers are ok because I would be like another mother to them" and I was only 12 when my grandmother told me that. I know that it may sound weird but it was really true.

  As years come I was about 15 years old my mom and dad started to come around more they started to show my brother in I more attention when we didn't need it anymore. It was really hard really hard for my brothers and I to reconnect with parents. I till this day don’t blame them for leaving us. They was young , married,  having kids , going threw a break up.

  Now as years comes my parents has gotten along, but they are still split. My father has his own house and mother has a new husband and a child. And she does not live with us anymore.  My brothers and i are still living with my grandparents because we chose not to live with any of our parents. Everything is not that confusing anymore now that i am older and now that I am a young mother, who is married. about to graduate high school  , and have a baby, I don't want to follow the same foot step my mother and father has done.  I want to make sure even if I gone thru a break up I would not let my emotions, feelings, or anything affect my relationship with my child. Or even if it stresses me so bad, to the point where I'm about to lose my mind I will never leave my baby. Everything that I have gone thru with my parents barely around has taught me to be a better parent to my child.  Looking at my child grow each day sometimes makes me question myself why would my parents want to leave my brothers and I . Do they love me , as much as I love my child. No because they actually left my brothers and i with my grandparents. Than decided to come back in our life when we are old enough to understand things and how we are able to take care of ourselves and live on our own. Everything does not matter to me. The only thing that those is my own little family that i have. I would always remember those words that my grandmother told me. To never be like my parents, to be strong, and believe that their are better.