A Mother's Reflection

I do not understand. What did I do wrong as a mother, as a caretaker. The last thing I wanted Jada to do is follow in my foot steps. I remember when I first met DeAndre. I was 17 years old, he was 19 at the time. And we were walking down the street and he said “Imma make you my girl forever.” Me being  young and in total bliss believed him. A year later I got pregnant with my son Keshawn. I remember when I first told DeAndre, I was scared because I did not know how he would react. It was life changing. It was no longer us out anymore, it was us and the baby. I knew DeAndre was “selling” but thats how we made ends meet.

JADA ! JADA ! I know you hear me talking to you. Get ya ass down stairs.  What the hell is this . . .  a pregnancy test?!
Is this yours because I’m surely not popping out no baby ?
Are you pregnant Jada ? …
When did you take this? How long ago?
Well I’m waiting, you know what don’t answer. Take ya ass up the steps.

Another mouth to feed. Who the hell she think she is trying to bring life into the world.  Me & DeAndre were young and dumb back then. With Keshawn selling like his father, he’ll end up just like him. In jail or in  hearse.
[ Yells Jada’s Name ]

Come down here now we need to have a talk.
When did you miss you last period?
Two months ago ?!
You mean to tell me you are 2 months pregnant. When did you think you were going to tell me, before or after the baby was born. You know what I’m done yelling, explain how you got pregnant.

Well what is his name? And I do not want no damn nickname I want his government name. Oh Jordan huh, Jordan who ? Jordan Nelson? And who is he, and what is his occupation and who is his mother? He’s a senior and he traps. Dammit Jada I am  trying to get your brother to get out of that trap life and you trying to bring a child in it. I want you to do better than I did.

Why did I not notice all the signs. Her eating habits were crazy, one minute hot cheetos, then seafood and after that some icecream. I thought it was her on her grow spurt. The constant wanting to sleep the days and nights away. I knew that day when I got a call from school the nurse said she had “morning sickness”. I was in denial, in denial to the fact that my only daughter is a now a statistic like her mother. I wanted her to be better than me.   

I did not know she was even sexually active yet, she only 15. She should be focusing on those two D’s she has in English and World History. Always worried about someone else. “ Oh mom, can I this”, “Oh mom, can I that “, “Can I get this “, “can I have that.” All I hear is can I, can I , can I . Where is her appreciation, it was not easy raising two kids when I was 19. I was a baby having a baby and now she is too.

Jada have you decided on what you are going to do with this baby ? I will let you keep it on the conduction that you graduate school. I will take care of the baby while you are at school. But when you come home you will have to face reality. You are not in this on your own, but you will be responsible for your share in work. For this is a life lesson for you as well as others.