“She’s gone Pam!” My aunt cried out at the entrance of the kiddie water park at Dorney Park. It literally felt like all of time just stopped. A blue glare blinded my eyes. My stomach dropped and made my shuffle to the benches harsh and burdensome. There was no need to ask about who...or what happened. We had been expecting it...just not this soon. My aunt and mom just couldn’t hold back their emotions, which left my dad and I to be the “consolers” of the moment. That was the longest 15 minutes...in a amusement park that I’ve ever been through. Not to mention the blunt stares from people as they walked by us. That got me agitated. That emotion was more bearing than the grief at the time. Honestly that was one of the...if not the most strangest moments in my life.
I honestly hate going through this kind of stuff. After 10 close deaths in less than 5 years it just becomes almost innate in your life. You just learn to deal with it. At least that’s I’ve learned to do. It’s really hard to just put your emotions to the side and try to hide them. Especially when the emotions are stemmed from people you really love and care about. Personally I’ve had to find other outlets that help me keep my emotions in tact while also trying to stay responsible and focused on other parts of my life. Music, Swimming, engineering, Digital Video, MMA, and my awesome friends and family have all helped me get through. But it wasn’t always like that. During my freshman and sophomore year of highschool it was really hard for me to keep up with my work because there was so much going on outside of school. When my parents and advisor saw my grades, they asked if I was being distracted by anything. I told them that I wasn’t because I didn’t want to expose my emotions. I ended up having to hold them in until I got a break from school. That wasn’t until February of that year. It was my mom’s birthday and we were going on a week-long cruise, and five days in Miami. That’s where I met some of my favorite friends that I have today. That trip took my mind off of so many things. I felt to so rejuvenated by the time it was over. When I came back from the trip there were so many people that I couldn’t wait to tell about it. But almost everyone who I knew would really care...was gone. All of my grandparents had passed, pretty much right before the trip. My best friend’s sister, who I grew up with passed while I was on the trip. I knew that I wasn’t alone but I felt like it so much. At that point every little thing got me emotional. From my dad yelling at me, or being disregarded, to even not living up to my own, small expectations. That was just a phase. I guess that’s what happens after being through that much grief.
After just barely passing 10th grade, I have a fresh start. I feel better than I ever have before. I’m past the grieving stage of all of them. They have all been great but however unfortunate learning experiences. A lesson that teaches to never take anyone for granted. No one or nothing on this earth is promised. Cherish the moments, big and small.