Advanced Essay #1: A Duck on a Pond
Introduction:
The goal of my paper was for me to remember and describe what it’s like becoming older and how society and peer pressure changes you. I wanted the reader to remember who they were as a child as well. The child we are can sometimes fade and we forget about them, but at our root, that child is still there. The part I’m most proud of is the symbols I created with rubber ducks and childhood. I could try to improve my reflection but overall I’m proud of this essay.
A few days ago, I was cleaning my room and under my bed, I found a small rubber duck. I brushed off the dust on the duck, I had forgotten where I got it from or that I even had rubber ducks. The rubber duck is smaller than a pill bottle. It has a paint splatter pattern covering its body, it's not just yellow but covered in blue, red and orange paint splatters. It's so simple in its design and as I looked at it more and more, I began to remember the first time I encountered these bath toys.
When I was 7 or 8, I went to the movies with my mom, at the time my parents began their separation, my mother was worried that I would become some sort of depressed teen because I’m so young and the divorce would have too large of an effect on me. The movies were my mom’s way to have fun and forget about everything that bothers you.
“We have about twenty minutes until the movie starts, so how about we go to the concession stand and get some popcorn?” my mom said. I looked up at her and nodded. I followed her with my hands in my coat pockets scratching my fingers against my jacket creating a little noise only I can hear. My mother and I stood in the line, she pulls out money from her purse and begins to count it. I look around the theatre, noticing the flashy design on the fur floors, I see kids running around the small arcade in the theatre entrance. In the corner of my eye I notice a small flashing light, it's coming from a crane game. My mother turns towards me and notices me looking at the game.
“Do you want money to play?” my mother asks.
“Is it okay?” I reply.
“Of course it's okay.” She hands me three crinkled one dollar bills and I walk towards the crane game. The game is a large red box with a banner that says “Winner Every Time” in large, gold, cursive font. I insert the first dollar into the slot. I look into the case noticing the game only has brightly colored rubber ducks in different costumes. I move the joystick over the pit of ducks and press the small red button. The crane delves into the pit of gold and picks up a single duck. I grab the toy from the receptacle below. It's a duck with a cowboy hat. My mom walks over with a small popcorn bucket and two sodas.
“Good job kid, do you like him?” I hold the rubber duck in my tiny, chubby hands and begin to laugh. This rubber duck looked so dumb and the design was lazy yet it made me happy. I felt warm and safe. I was so happy and carefree when I was younger like nothing could hurt me. I was okay with my chubby exterior and my huge tooth gap. Everything was easy when I was young, I couldn’t hurt anyone or myself. I was allowed to dream as big or as small as I wanted. All I worried about was getting as many ducks as I could.
I was this little ugly duckling who just wanted to fly and didn’t care about what other people thought. When you're young you're not afraid to show who you are, you're oblivious to society or even know what society is. When you get older you feel like you constantly need to be in this defensive state because everything is trying to bring you down. You can spread your wings when you're young and fly as much as you want. But then people make you realize that you can’t fly and they clip your wings.
Eventually, I got more and more ducks. They distracted me from everything that was going on around me, whenever I was sad or angry, I went upstairs to my small blue bedroom and pulled out the plastic bin holding my ducks. No worries, no one to impress, the only person to make happy was me. When I was about 11 or 12, toys became lame and kids my age got rid of anything that seemed too childish and I was one to follow the crowd. So, I threw out everything too “kiddie.” The last thing I gave away was that bin of ducks. My happy memories fled from my mind and all I could remember was all the pain I felt. I became this self-conscious teen and kept changing myself even if I didn’t want to. I went into this numb state of mind.
During one summer, my sister and my mom went to a carnival. I stayed back, fearing to be around too many people, the yelling, and the screaming and having to deal with flashing lights, the very thought made me sick. After a few hours, my sister and my mom returned home.
“How was the carnival?” I asked.
“Basic, it was fun though.” My sister sat on the couch immediately pulling out her phone and began to type away.
“ I had fun and I wish you came, but we did win you something.” My mom unzipped her large black purse and pulled out two ducks. One of the ducks was the paint splatter duck and the other duck was a white duck with blue snowflakes covering its body. “Hope you like them.” She handed me the ducks, and my slender hands held them. As I held the ducks, these rubber useless toys, I was reminded of the wonder that I once knew. I had lost myself and forgot about this child I once was. I’m an ugly duckling on his own who forgot how to fly and just remembered how.
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