Advanced Essay #1: Change Through Music

We walked into music class but the teacher had planned something different for today. We sat at different sections of the risors, the black steel platforms covered by a grey carpet at the end, where I sat with my friends. The teacher walked in front of the class and asked

¨Did every group pick your favorite song over the summer? ”

Quickly my friends began to converse amongst themselves and completely left me out of the conversation. I inched towards the huddle in hopes of them realizing I was apart of the group too. They continued to talk, I was on the sideline, benched.

¨How about you Edwin? What was your favorite song over the summer¨  inquired Jaylen.

I quickly searched my playlist to find a song that I loved that they would also know. It was almost like a checklist, none of the songs met all of the requirements. Most of them were in spanish, they wouldn't know them, but the songs that were in english were all older, they would think I was lame. I knew it wasn't a test but at the same time, was I sure? My mind was playing games with me, I was just thinking about what they were think, ¨Does he not know any songs?¨ I saw Saimeen turn to Zoie and ask. She was the only other hispanic. I saw Siah's face turn from confusion to a judgemental understanding. He proceeded to say ¨He only listens to spanish music, he doesn't listen to anything else.¨  

¨No I don't!¨ My shame overshadowed my lie, no one listened to me. They knew the truth.  I replayed the events over and over again. Why did I lie? Why couldn't I just agree with whatever they said, how could I? I didn't even know what they listened to. I put my head down, and felt my palms digging into my cheeks.

¨What song did you guys decide on΅

¨Travis scott, antidote¨

I realized I was different from all of my other friends. They all grew up listening to the same music, they all liked the same thing. I wanted to fit in so bad at that moment, I was ready to change the music I listened to, but I didn't realize that I would end up changing more than just the music.

I got home feeling more out of place than I ever did before. I grabbed my phone and started to delete all of the music I had. All of the songs had one thing in common, they were in spanish. Before going to FACTS, every student was just like me, we all were the same. My fingers gripped the edge of my phone, the red trash can icon glowing on the bottom of the screen, I was throwing away all of the things I loved just to be accepted by my peers, but in this moment the thought of my culture and family heritage was deleted with the music.  

Before entering FACTS charter school, I attended Lewis Elkin Elementary.  The school was only four blocks away from where I lived. The school was in North Philadelphia, which meant that most or all of the students were of Hispanic heritage. The teachers at Elkin would speak spanish part or most of the day. All of the students I attended school with, grew up in the same area and culture as I did. I was just another Dominican boy that attended Elkins. I never felt out of place at Elkins, there was almost no possible way I could have.

¨What are you listening to?¨ I looked up and saw Zoie smiling at me, her pearly white teeth hid behind her plump lips.

¨Nothing¨ I tilted my phone so the screen was facing the ground, I clicked the lock button  the screen went black and I smiled at her. I didn't want her to see what I was listening to, just in case they didn't listen to this music either. This time it was in english and I made sure that the album released recently.

¨Just let me see it¨ she grabbed my wrist, having the phone looking towards the sky and clicked the home button to unveil the song title. I got nervous and I felt myself grip the side of my phone tightly, my hands were moist. ¨I love this song! J cole is poppin,¨ she smiled at me then continued ¨I didn't listen to the whole album yet, have you? Anyway the reason I came to you was to ask what music in spanish do you recommend? I just want to learn more spanish.¨ I grabbed my phone ready to show her my playlist with all of my favorite spanish songs, but I remembered that it was all gone, I deleted it. I stared at my phone, realizing the mistake I had made so many months ago, I stuttered looking for a response.  

For many months, basically the rest of my 7th grade year I only listened to R&B, Hip-Hop, Rap and started to only speak English at home. When I deleted all of the Bachata, Merengue, Dembo and Salsa from my phone I did not realize that I was also deleting part of my culture. I began to forget how to speak spanish and found myself not being able to form simple sentences. When Zoie came up to me I realized that I was losing more than just music, that I needed to find a balance to get the best of both worlds. I needed to be proud of where I came from.