Advanced Essay #1: It's Ok To Be Alone

When I was a little kid I could never sleep over any of my friends’ houses. Despite how independent I wanted to be, the thought of spending the night away from my home and my family made my stomach drop. While most kids were able to shed this fear once they entered elementary school, I still remained afraid. I always worried that something would happen back at home and I would not be there to help, or that something would happen to me and my family would be too far away.  

It wasn’t until much latter, nearing middle school, that I began being comfortable over someone else’s house. Flashing forward to my freshman year of highschool , I found myself being able to leave my family for days at a time while being accompanied by my friends. Still, I always knew that my family remained fairly close wherever I went. I never thought that my comfort would have to be tested much after that, but an impulse decision made towards the end of freshman year led to just that very thing.

It was a typical afternoon where I was laying on my couch, attempting to complete my homework. My laptop pinged and I look towards the screen to see an email in my inbox. The email was to remind students that it was the last chance to apply for a STEM based trip that would occur in San Francisco, on the other side of the country.

I perked up as I read the email, having always dreamed of putting myself out there but constantly being held back by my doubts. After much convincing from my mother, I decided to take the chance. Hastily, I wrote the required essays and just barely submitted them before the deadline.

If I am to be honest, I had not given the trip anymore thought from there. It just seemed too unrealistic for me to win, which is why I was surprised to later find that I had been selected to interview for a spot on the trip. That day I was met with wide smiles from my parents as they assured me that I would do well. Going to bed later in the night I found my body tense and my mind racing. Sure I was excited, but I was also terrified. Half of me wanted to win and go while the other half argued that it was better to stay at home.

The time soon came for me to be interviewed. Dressed in what my mother called nicer clothes,  which were khakis and a polo shirt, I nervously made my way into a crowded conference room. Three tables connected around the room and led to a singular chair, where I was to take my seat. A much larger group of adults, all with varying positions in relation to the trip, watched me with fascination from their seats around the tables. I felt like I was on trial as a rapid series of questions were thrown at me from too many people with not enough time to respond. Talking about myself and my ambitions, I found my voice shaky and my answers too simple and short. I was certain that I bombed it.

I was again surprised when I received a call some days later telling me that I had been chosen to go on the trip. Not being able to contain my smile, I made my way downstairs where I told the news to my family. After a while I was left alone to think and I found my mind unable to relax. Worry and doubt seemed to course through my veins. My brain kept telling me that on the other side of the country anything could happen and that everyone I knew would be too far to help. From the days leading up to the trip, I wrestled between feeling excitement and dread.

When the time came for me to leave my heart was racing. I stood outside at the designated drop off location where I looked nervously at the cloudy sky, clutching my luggage like a lifeline. I was anxious, having not knowing  anyone who was going on the trip with me. I was going to be alone.

“Will you be ok?” asked my older sister.

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry.” I lied with a nervous smile.

The rest of the day seemed to go by in a flash. I was at the airport going through security, I was on a plane soaring through the sky, and then I was in California all by myself. San Francisco was beautiful, though a little overwhelming. After some sightseeing, I was glad to make my way back to my hotel room and into my bed. That night my heart ached as I called my parents and told them about my first day. It had seemed like I was never going to get better.

However, after each day of the trip, I found my worries getting smaller and smaller until eventually I had none at all. Though I missed my family, it was easy for me to get swept up in the excitement of a new city and new people, of new experiences and even newer freedom. I realized that while I was with my family, I never spoke for myself. I was always a piece of a larger whole. From being alone during that week, I discovered that I could choose how to represent myself and how I wanted to be. More importantly, I realized that sometimes it was ok to be alone and out of your comfort zone. When you did something by yourself, you may be surprised by what you have discovered.