Advanced Essay #1: Only Child

“Line up to start heading downstair!” I was second in line with twenty dollars in my pocket. Everyone was fairly excited for the biannual book fair in the library at my school. I had seen from walking by the room earlier that day what they had in store this year. I was really excited to buy a poster with my favorite show on it. As we were walking down the steps, i asked all my friends what they were going to get. Many said books, a pen for their brother or sister, some said posters like me, and some said that they didn’t even have any money. It was just a way to get out of class, honestly. I was wondering where i was going to put mine in my room. Near my tv? Next to my closet? Behind my door? My teacher instructed us to be quiet while on the steps, but i wasn’t really concerned about that. Should i buy someone a present? But who? I don’t have a sibling who would appreciate it. I knew if i got something for my parents, it’d be small. “Where should we put our stuff when we get back to class?” someone asked “In the closet with your jackets, it should be okay there” the teacher said. As we got to the bottom of the stairs, i was so excited to be first in the book fair. I walked in, but was now conflicted. I always remember my classmates talking about their brothers and sisters; how they walked with them home or just their lives in general. Simply adding them into conversations or talking about how old they were. My school was set up in a way that if you had an older or younger sibling, certain things would be set up just because your family consisted of more than one child. When we would do things like the book fair, all of the kids in my class would talk about how they were going to buy things for their younger siblings and I didn’t understand why. Why would you buy something if it wasn’t for yourself? I have always had that mentality and i think it is strictly because i am an only child. I am not exactly an only child, i have an older brother. He’s fourteen years older than me and moved out when i was really young, so I just live with both of my parents. I don’t necessarily remember when he left or even how old i was, but i just know it felt like my house my emptier. My brother was always very reserved, so when he left the house was still quiet. I remember when i came home after school one day and his room was empty; all the furniture was gone and it looked like no one had ever lived their teenage years there. My family is very split; i have about five sides to my family. My brother is actually my half brother because we have different dads. When my mom and i would go to Harris family events, i felt as though i didn’t exactly belong there because i wasn’t related to anyone by blood. They made me feel welcome, though, everyone would kiss and hug us when we walked in. Christmas would be a loving exchange of presents and hot food that brought everyone together. Bright red and green twinkling lights hung on the tall tree in the corner of the living room. The dim lighting and candles would make the mood even more festive.

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.1) Types of feedback that would be most helpful for the author: Use more descriptive words nice flow write more 2) Feedback from peer #1: Use of words Seems to have the transitioning of ideas down pact Can link together non relating ideas ? Can you relate it back more to the topic? ? How is this important? ? Does it have a bigger meaning? 3) Feedback from peer #2: +NIce story + Engage the senses + Structured well ?When did this take place? ? How can you make it more descriptive? ?

5) Author’s plan for revisions: I plan to read over my entire essay and fix any errors that i made. I read the feedback and i will use it to make my essay better.