Advanced Essay #1: Traffic Light

Introduction

My paper is about how everything around me is different from what I want and need. You’ll find out that the more people that come into my life makes it harder for me to just be free of life. Throughout the story, there are parts where you should ask yourself and compare how life is different for each person. Some people may think that my story isn’t relatable at all, others believe they could be living the same life. I want to thank Amelia because she helped me include greats ideas to make the story more powerful and compare it to other things. If I had the chance to rewrite this essay, I should have made the story build up more to show the purpose of the whole story.

Traffic Light

I’ve always thought about kids. Constantly questioning myself if I want kids or  to push them aside for as long as possible. When I was eight years old, my cousin Aedan was born. At this age, I had to learn to take care of him while still taking care of myself along the way. Changing diapers, making milk/food to feed him, putting him to sleep and so much more. As a child, I would watch kids on T.V. being given fake babies to learn how to care for them but I was given a real live baby. There wasn’t plenty time or a moment to fail, only success. As I got older, there came a point where more babies came into my life. It was more difficult each time because that also meant more responsibilities coming along with each one. I was given these babies without any help and I was glad they weren’t mine because I didn’t have to watch them day and night.

At that age I couldn't help but think that children are only used for play. Now I can't help but think, what if I’d have to experience it on my own?

The rush of anger comes when I hear babies cry, they can't tell you what they want, so how exactly would you know? A bottle would appear in their mouth in two seconds but will then disappear in one. After holding them for so long, my arms start to shrivel and so I put the baby down ever so gently so they could sleep without waking up again.

To have some time to myself and relax, there are days where, I wake up at six in the morning to take a nice long, warm, steamy shower. By long, I mean ten minutes. After I put on my uniform, I would get my brothers, Evan and Aaron, dressed. Along with that I would fight with them to brush their teeth, pick up their dirty laundry, and check everyone’s homework before I have to leave. Time is 8:15 and I’m still struggling to finish all these things.

As the day goes on, I stop thinking about my brothers and go on with my life. School is fun because I’m without them but my peers know me as the mom. The mom who gives reminders about where they need to be, what they need to do, and how to do things. When they call me mom it’s hard to think will I always be like this and is that a good thing; am I a good person?

Walking home alone from school, I see parents picking up their kids from the school yard. All of a sudden, I remembered I was supposed to do something after school, but I was already half way home. It takes six minutes to walk from my house to their school but school was dismissed twenty minutes ago, so I, of course had to rush. I put both of my book bags straps on and began to run. Every time I got to a light it was always green, as if the light knew I was in a rush, until the last one. It felt like the longest red light I had ever crossed. By the time the light turned green, the people from my initial start was next to me. Rushing up the hill into the elementary school, up the stairs, then down the hall to pick one of them up. Immediately after, going back out the school, down the hill into the middle school to pick up Evan.

After running from these places, I couldn’t feel my feet but I could catch my breath. As I was walking home with Evan and Aaron I thought about what my place in life is. When is it my time to show who I am? It terrifying to think about myself and put myself first when there are other people who are more important. I can’t put myself first when there are other things that need to be taken care of. School comes first but I’m too busy thinking about doing the laundry for everyone in the house. Family comes first but I’m trying to get myself together. Just thinking about what’s wrong with me, a tear fell down my face and onto the pavement right in front of me. One tear drop turns into rain. I start to push the boys to run fast so we could get home.

When I got home I thought to myself, who am I to everyone? No one at my house supported me, people wouldn't care if I went away. If I went away I wouldn’t know where to go. If I left, who would take care of the kids. I can’t focus on me without thinking about the kids and teaching them to do things on their own so I can leave and be free. It difficult to think that they are the reason I can’t leave. They rely on me so much that they’re now too lazy to do things themselves and restrains myself from doing other things. When will it be my time to live my life as a kid and be fun because life is short and soon I have to think about how to live by myself, with work, and paying bills. When that time comes will there be anyone to help me then?