Advanced Essay #1; Passed

Passed

I’d never forget this moment. Sitting on the edge of a bridge. I felt the cold wind slapping me in the face. I was just, thinking. I’m not going to lie I had the most sharpest knife piercing slowly deadly into my hand. I could feel the cold warm beautiful blood slowly drip down from my arm, like when you eat ice cream and don’t have a napkin. I could tell that the burgundy blood wouldn’t stain the cold hard ground. 5 seconds later, it went plummeting down from my hand to the deep dark, distant waters. I just stared down, it’s like I could see everything mirroring off of the black dirty water. Next thing I knew, I was standing, on the edge. Just thinking. After that I put my foot out. Just thinking. Ten seconds later I was walking home. I didn’t jump from the gates of heaven to fall down to the nightmares of my personal hell. I was just thinking what if it actually happened.

          “What if I was just not standing in front of you right now.” The words went slowly through one of her ears and out the other, but they boomeranged back. She said,

           “Well, how do you think I would feel or how he would feel, if you did that then, I would bring you back and kill you myself.” I could hear her tears rolling down her face. I was, I was shocked.

           “Wait, we aren’t even friends, you don’t even talk to me like that.” Still as the words come out my mouth not my head, my mind was still focused on her previous words.

           “Well, how do you think I would feel or how he would feel, if you did that then, I would bring you back and kill you myself.” Still everything, everything was just so still, as she kept speaking similarities inclined on the conversation. I felt, different, wanted, accepted, and mostly loved. Then I felt the water, slowly purposely making its finally destination to the bottom of my face. I could hear her crying on the phone. It was so clear, like it wasn’t even 5 centimeters away from my ear. This was killing me, mentally. I found light in the abyss. I could basically say, I’m on the gates heaven, that reminded me that I didn’t want to jump from the gates of heaven, if had I would have fell down to the nightmares of my personal closed hell. The pounding of the metal on the door as the lock opens was loud to the point of fear rushing through your veins. It was my parents, coming back from the store. Husain bolted to my room with tears flooding to my chin.

           This was 7th grade, 2015. It was a new year same school same people same work, same bullies. Same words, same looks, same laughter, all the same counterfeit. I’m not going to lie, ever since middle school started nothing was the same, food didn’t taste the same, walking didn’t feel the same. Everything was different but the same.

           I had a lot of nicknames, there was “terrorist, bomber, suicide bomber, ka boom!”, and a lot of other ones that wouldn’t be appropriate to tell you. Everyday was the same, awake, school, sleep, repeat. I was getting nowhere. I was doing nothing. I was getting nowhere. Life had asked death once, why do people love me but hate you, death said, “Because you are a beautiful lie and I am a painful truth.” After middle school has ended, it was a new chapter, a new book, a new beginning. A fresh start.

           Unsuccessful people hold grudges, I stopped holding grudges. Started to move forward, forget about the past, it passed. It was the first time I could just be me, play my tunes, listen to the drum kick in for the first time in more than 4 years. I Started to wear the SnapBack backwards.

           Food started to taste good, I didn’t just go to school, I did much more than just be apart of the system. I was let loose, I was surfing a new wave. The last one had too many currents.