Advanced Essay #2: Blinded by Belonging

Scene of memory

Shhh. Silence. I told myself throughout my middle school career.

I barely spoke I don’t know why I had so much fear.

From my head to my toe, silence was my only solution.

So I barely spoke all the years of middle school that was basically my conclusion.

My peers asked,” Why don’t you talk.”

I responded with a shrug of my shoulders

I never spoke and my silence was tough like a boulder.

I still got work done that wasn’t even an issue.

I got all A’s man but the silence I still continued.

I was too nervous to speak I didn’t know what to say.

I go to bed and wake up and do it again the next day.

That all changed when I went to high school and track came along.

My voice became clear and my courage became strong.

I felt like I belong

I’m no longer afraid

to talk to my peers without the shade

Sun light the silence will fade

Spray the silence away with the raid.

Two sides of the same brown penny

Silence or not my courage is now plenty.

In the U.S. there is always the constant idea of belonging. People are always trying to find a place, group, or even gang to find where people share the same ideas you share. That’s why when people are in a group they feel more comfortable because they feel like they can contribute to their group. That’s why we connect with family because we’re with them for the majority of our life. When we leave the house we need to have the sense of belonging again. This belonging can be a blessing but also a curse and blind people because of belonging.

In a news report from, CNN written by, Amanda Enayati, called “The Importance of belonging” talks about the science and psychology of belonging and it states, “‘Belonging is a psychological lever that has broad consequences,’ writes Walton. ‘Our interests, motivation, health and happiness are inextricably tied to the feeling that we belong to a greater community that may share common interests and aspirations.’” The idea that this quote demonstrates is everyone experiences the idea of belonging that when they don’t have anybody they’ll start feeling lonely. They start being taken advantage of if they’re desperate and will face “broad consequences.” It’s because we all share “common interests” that we think people wouldn’t want to take advantage of one another but in reality people don’t always share the same “aspirations”. It’s because belonging is a “psychological” thing that sometimes it can cause us to be blind to even the most obvious forms of  being taken advantage of.

On the other hand, in a article called “On Belonging” by Marianna Pogosyan Ph.D., she talks about good and bad things about belonging with researchers to back her up and it states,” Belonging, thus, offers "reassurance that we are not alone," says Ms. Hattaway. That it’s not just us, even at times of loneliness and isolation (whether as newcomers to a college, or a foreign country).” From this point of view you can see how belonging can make you feel at home. It helps you understand you “are not alone”, no matter where you came from, no matter you’re identity, you’re never alone and you don’t have to be. When you try to recieve belonging it can make you vulnerable for the first few stages but when or if the people accept you, then you feel happiness and comfort. Being isolated and not being around others can be unhealthy and can have consequences if you’re alone to long but, when you have people that support you the pain, the joy, the sadness, can be shared so you don’t have to go through life alone. You have “reassurance” that people (or rather friends) have your back especially when you’ve been friends for a long time. Time can play a huge role in belonging to because if you’ve been in a group, partner, etc. for awhile you’ll view them as more trustworthy compared to a first encounter with a person because with the first encounter you haven’t had enough time to even get to know the person so you wouldn’t be sure if they even share you ideas or not. That’s why time and belonging also go hand and hand.      

Also in the Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald, a character named Jay Gatsby was looking for belonging with a girl named Daisy and found it but had to leave because of his duties as a soldier so Daisy ended up being married to a man named Tom. Around 5 years later Jay found Daisy again. In this quote it talks about how Daisy has to choose either Tom or Jay and it starts off with Jay saying,”’Daisy that’s all over now,’ he said earnestly.’It doesn’t matter any more. Just tell him the truth-that you never loved him-and it’s all wiped out forever.’...She began to sob helplessly. ‘I did love him once -but I loved you too.” This quote demonstrates the idea that Jay is really pressing on Daisy to make her be with him even though she has a husband. The thing is that Jay and Daisy had a history together in the past and that relationship, that belonging has stayed in both of their hearts that they both yearn for something like that. The problem is that Daisy found that belonging with Tom and Jay is stuck by himself still yearning for that belonging and love. You can tell Daisy still has feelings for Tom when she said “but I loved you too” and it’s an interesting choice of words there because Daisy says loved like she use to love Jay and too meaning I loved you in the past which probably made Jay feel hurt that the person that he was looking for after their first encounter ended up loving another man. You can see how obsessed Jay is while trying to get back with this woman, and he is trying to make Daisy say she never ever loved Tom. Jay is probably thinking that only he belongs to Daisy and only Daisy belongs to him.

As a recap when you yearn for belonging it can be your best friend. Knowing that others share what you feel can be a really good feeling. It helps you go through life without the world on your shoulders. On the other hand, searching for belonging blindly can be very dangerous and can come with consequences, like being taken advantage of. This is why you need to be careful if you searching for belonging and look for signs to see in you’re being taken advantage or if the person/ group your with is legit.