Advanced Essay #2: Mixed in Math

Forgetting how to read like I used to and being open minded about a new literacy is a struggle for me. This kind of reading was different. It was difficult and it had become something that I couldn’t understand but was a necessity for me almost everyday. This was a shot to my intelligence. This bullet was math. Math was the most painful thing in my life.

‘Every time I see numbers my mind trips up,’

I write on my paper over and over again. I just can’t understand why math is such a difficult task for me. I didn’t let anyone know for a while. Whenever I ask for help, I just want to give up. I was reading and writing something I didn’t know about. Zoe Heller emphasizes that you write to know more: ”The other is born of what writers wish to experience, of the impulse to write in order to know.” But, I just didn’t know where to start, where to draft, or where to revise. Never do I get the chance to write to know more I just hope I acquire and understand the information before the next quiz. Math isn’t a common everyday literacy that is practiced as much as other literacies which makes it even harder to perfect.

“I’m just such an idiot!”

I say way too often.

“Des, you're not an idiot,” says my mom, and anyone else I gripe about math to.

Talking bad about my math skills is something I do very often; I just don’t grasp the concepts. When I look at math it is like I go cross eyed. Once, I looked at a composition of functions problem and immediately had a headache. My brows furrowed and I closed my math binder. All my homework grades are satisfactory but, that is only after I take an extra week to learn the skills but, by then we’ve already started a new unit, took the standards quiz, and this concept won’t be brought up ever again.

Just like a wave it came over me. I couldn’t read. At least not like I used to. Reading of all types is all about comprehension; even reading math. You see the piece of literature and then you use your brain to understand it and keep it. Often, I collected information into my brain involving numbers but, very little was understood. Composing and combining functions put me in a funk. Systems of equations with greater than signs instead of equal signs criss crossed my brain entirely. My mind tried to use the skills it knew but it was like a bad radio connection, you could hear some stuff, but the rest was static.

As a young child I always questioned things. I didn’t find it as rude or mean I just saw it as being curious. As you can imagine, it got me into a bit of hot water. Even as recently as freshman year I questioned just about everything. From science to math, I was pretty ruthless too. Gathering the courage

“Ms. Dunda,”

I started calling her over to my desk.

“No offence but, why are we learning this?”

I asked still looking down at my computer until I saw her next to me.

“Well Destiny it is good to know this because--well you might need this if you become a doctor or scientist or, if you just want to have this knowledge for later!”

She responded a little bit shaken up that I would ask such a blunt question.

“Oh, okay,” I said in a tone which clearly showed me not believing it one bit.

The day continued and the room was just as chattery as when I called her over. I went back to my glossy text book and just skimmed and skimmed to answer some of the questions before the Canvas assignment was due. Looking back that wasn’t the nicest way to ask but, I have gotten better at being curious about what I’m learning.

In BioChem, you can question things. There are always multiple right answers that kind of mean the same thing or challenge the other. In English, it is more about what you think and how you can use that to analyze text or write papers. History class is based on learning about the past and seeing how it affects us now. The answers can be long or short and vary. Math on the other hand, is an entirely different set of skills. You have to do all the work for the problem then check it to see if it’s right. There is only one correct answer and if you get it wrong, you have to start all over again. In the back of my mind I always think of how can I improve my math literacy. In the essay, How Changing Your Reading Habits Can Change Your Health,  Michael Grothaus emphasizes the importance of reading everyday: “Yet despite all the benefits to mind, body, and society, plenty of people find it hard to sit down and start reading. It seems like we just don’t have the time to read more.” Maybe the problem is that I’m not expanding my mind enough and reading. If I get more comfortable with reading math and just studying it on my down time, it will have good effects on my brain.

I’ve noticed, the only time I really look at math is in math class or when I’m doing homework. My literacy in math is not as strong as my reading literacy. The realization hit me that math is a type of literacy. You need to study it and review it daily. Never do I go out of my way to study what the new numbers, symbols, and skills mean. Time is something that is always snatched from me. From other school work to homework and everything in between, the only thing I want to even look at is the back of my eyelids. Sleep takes over reading any day. But, to strengthen my math literacy, I must read math daily.