With this essay, I was trying to accomplish the after effect confusion and feelings of someone being blinded with feelings. When asked to apologize for hurting one’s feelings, we don’t really mean it, so we lie and apologize for something we don’t really mean. I am proud of the way I structured this essay. At first, it was very difficult to organize my thoughts accordingly, but after awhile of preserving, I feel as though I connected the paragraphs in a way that’s unique. One thing I would like to improve for my next essay is my use of descriptive language. I feel like I lack in that department, which is not good. Hopefully, I can get better.
Why can’t I help myself? There’s always something wrong with you. You need to stop this. Get better. You have to get better. There’s always something going on. It’s so ironic. The people who don’t care about what’s going on and fool around are the ones who aren’t depressed, but the ones who do their work and try and try and try are the ones who are. Maybe I should slack off. Maybe I shouldn’t care. My family will never understand.
This is boring. This is boring. This is boring. Why are we doing this? I don’t understand. Nothing is exciting to me anymore. What’s wrong with me? They say it’ll get better when I’m an adult. But will it really though? I don’t think so. I always ask myself, “What’s the point of life?” We’re born, we grow up, stress over grades, get into college, are in debt, work until we literally can’t anymore, and then die. Eventually, everyone is going to die. It’s inevitable. I heard someone say one time, “What’s the point of living if you can’t feel?” That’s exactly how I feel. What’s the point? Sometimes when we’re feeling a certain way, what we say and do reflect off of that. It’s like we let our emotions get the best of us. One minute everything seems to be fine, and the next, you’re seeing the effects after the stormy hurricane has hit.
I’m at the table eating dinner. We’re talking about our lives and how our day was. It’s only my mom, Micheal (my stepdad), and me. My sister is at work. I think to myself, “I wonder how she’s doing. I’m excited for her to get off soon.” Suddenly, my own storm hits as we start talking about SEPTA bus stops. “No, no!” said my mom. “Let me tell you something. You can’t talk to people like that. If I’m talking to you a certain way that isn’t disrespectful, then please don’t talk to me with disrespect. It’s a two-way street. Push out the same respect you pull in.”
Everyone in my household is sad except for my stepfather. Of course, that makes sense though. He’s not the result . He’s not my father's seed. Depression is hereditary. I don’t ever want to have children because I want to save them from feeling the way I am. Why would I want to pass this on to them? Why did my mom and dad pass this on to me? Questions, decisions, actions.
Things took an abrupt turn from talking about bus stops to being disrespectful. I instantly apologized for raising my voice and getting an attitude, but at that moment, it didn’t mean anything. Andrea Mathews from Psychology Today writes, “If we didn’t mean what we said, or what we did, who did? Because someone or something within us meant for us to do or say what we did or said, or we wouldn’t have done or said it.” Humans tend to deny the meaning of what they say. “I didn’t mean it” really means “I meant it, but now after saying it, it sounds bad, so let me try to soften the blow.” More times than we can count, we say things to make other people feel better, even though we know it’s not true.
In Beast Of The Southern Wild, the people living in Montegut, Louisiana are being forced out of their home by nature. Hushpuppy, the main character, is no more than six years when she is forced to fend for herself. Wink, Hushpuppy’s father, tries to reassure Hushpuppy and their community by telling them that he’s “coming to get you storm.” The community is already stressed out about what’s going on. Some people are leaving, and others don’t know what to do. Wink is trying to calm everyone down by telling the storm he’ll catch it. The problem is, a storm can’t be caught. You can catch the remaining of what the storm did and you can catch the feelings that people are throwing at you from the storm, but you can not actually catch a storm.
Hurting someone’s feelings is never the way to go, so we use cover-ups as an excuse to cover something up. In the long run, people’s intentions aren’t always what they appear to be. Anger, longing, obsession, all taken over by the storm. Sincerely apologizing for something you can’t control is rare. We thought it, we did it, and we meant it.