Advanced Essay-Accepting My Mental Health

Introduction This essay was made me really have to think outside of my normal writers box. I was able to learn how to write an essay that tells a story. When it comes to goals,one of my main goals was to eventually have an essay that I was proud of. An essay that I would be happy to submit. When it comes to something that I am proud of it would be my ending I was really able to tie the whole essay together. For improvements I would definitely have wanted to think through my whole essay structure before starting the writing process. All in all, I am proud of the essay that I have produced.

My breath comes out choppy and infrequent. I feel a lump forming in my throat. I feel a knot forming in my stomach. I feel the tears on the edges of my eyes that yearn to come out. I feel my heart pounding out of my chest. My mind starts to run a mile a minute. I start to feel like everything is out of control. Like I can’t do anything to fix everything that is wrong. That everything that’s wrong is somehow my fault. I know this is not true but I can’t shake the feeling. I try to calm myself down but it’s hard. Hard to get out of my head. Out of this panicked state that I am in.

This is the first big anxiety attack that I can remember. I remember feeling very out of place. I felt like everything was out of my control. I remember trying to remind myself that everything was going to be okay. To breathe. Looking back I probably knew that this was all in my head, that I was not in any imminent danger. That this feeling would eventually pass.

Everyone’s anxiety is different but for me, it is a lot of thinking ahead of where I have to be. I do this to compensate for the fact that I do not like not knowing things. This is because anxiety is when the brain reacts to being anxious in the same way it does being afraid. For me, my brain also reacts to stress in this way. This is a way that I do not to be in when I am feeling anxious or stressed.

It is towards the end of benchmark season sophomore year. I am on my way to Geometry and I stop in the bathroom before class. I open the door of the dark blue stall. and sit down on the cold plastic seat. I notice that I feel a little shaky. I place two fingers on my chest and can feel my heartbeat pounding on my fingers. “Why am I anxious?” I think to myself. And at that moment I can’t think of a reason. This just makes me more panicked. “Why am I anxious,” I think again to myself more frantically. There must be a reason I can’t just be panicking for nothing right? This can’t just be random. I take a deep breath and remind myself that whatever this is it will be okay, that everything is fine. That no one is in danger. I take a deep breath and step out of the bathroom and walk to class.

If I could do anything to prevent these anxiety attacks I most definitely would. This one was less intense than the other one. Since it was during benchmark season it was probably more stress-induced rather than being anxious. This meant that I just had to take a step back to regather my bearings and then go on with life. This goes to show that not all anxiety attacks are heavy breathing and convulsing on the floor. Some can be so small that they almost go unnoticed, these overtime just become an annoyance in day to day life. Sometimes it can be a simple as a lump in my throat or my breath getting a little heavier.

Others of them cause a halt in your day to day activities. In times like these, my heart is beating out of my chest, and I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it. Either way, they are not fun to deal with. Do I like that I have to do deal with this? No, definitely not. Have I come to terms with the fact that I will have to deal with this for the rest of my life? Sort of. I know that it will not go away but I do know that there are ways to decrease feelings of anxiety and ways to feel more in control. To anyone else who deals with anxiety I know that it sucks but you will be okay. You will find ways to cope and it will get easier. I promise.