“...And It’s Not Funny Either!”

“...And It’s Not Funny Either!”

“Ughh, I know and I just can’t help it”,

“What, but I wasn’t even… nevermind”

“Aw, thanks.”

I respond to remarks such as those on a daily. I hear them at school, dance, and sometimes even outside of those two main places. The last response is usually what I say to people who enjoy my personality and identity. The responses I make to people leave me feeling as though my smile and upbeat personality is a curse and joy. Throughout my life, I’ve always had questions and incidents where my smile and cheery personality caused chaos and joy.

The day I realized my uppity personality and smile caused trouble was in 7th grade. I got in trouble by the new math teacher in her class one afternoon. It was a day of school were we attended mass, since I went to a private catholic school. The mass service was divided in two separate times, grades k-4 attended first then 5-8. One of the boys in my class, Dan, happened to be apart of this mass as an altar server, someone who assists the priest during church. It just also happened to extremely hot that day, and there was no air conditioning.Math class is finally over and to conclude our day we were about to walk over to church. As we were wrapping everything up, putting books away and talking amongst ourselves and...

“Oh my gosh, Dan passed out in church! ” Said one of the fifth grade girls while passing through the hall.

The whole class immediately started mumbling talking to each other about the new gossip. Then in walks one of my close classmate friends who wasn’t up to date on the recent information we just heard from the fifth grade girl, and of course being the excited person I am,  I wanted to tell her. I explain to her exactly what we just heard then, suddenly  all I hear is:

“Did you just laugh, Kennedy?  This isn’t funny at all. He could really be hurt.”  

I was totally confused in the moment seeking for someone in the room who also felt the same way for self-comfort. I questioned myself in my head asking,  “What in the world is she talking about.” Then just by looking at her facial expression I realized this was serious, enough for me to get in major trouble. The teacher and I then went back and forth:

“I never even laughed,” looking around confused trying to find a witness to agree with me so i didn’t feel uncomfortable.

“Yes, you're over there smiling and happy that he just fainted, this isn’t a joke he could really be hurt,” the teacher claimed.

It took my close friend to explain to me that my face did seem a little happy, but she knew I wasn’t making fun of him because this is how I looked when I talked to her majority of the time. After, I realized this out about myself It seemed as though I  started getting more bad than good comments about my personality from others.

Growing up as a kid, I always received positive notes on my identity and how people enjoyed my enlightening presence. They all told me  how my smile was nice, and my goofiness  wasn’t a problem. As I grew older the more negative comments there became.  I guess this was because I started getting to  know more people. Yes, many people take my personality the wrong way. Sure I can be silly a lot, and keep a smile on  my face, but sometimes I feel as though people suspect that as weakness. I say this because people get the idea that I can’t focus or take things serious because I like to laugh and have fun, and it annoys me. I tend to be perceived this way a lot in school and at dance school (the two places w here I spend most of my time).

The dance studio is my happy place, I love what I do as a hobby the only thing I don’t love are comments.I tend to get yelled at alot for taking my happy energetic personality into class. For example; Say I mess up on the dance routine by an accident, and get called out on it she’ll then proceed to say something along the lines of “...and it’s not funny either!”

Sometimes, I may get a little out of hand when it comes to goofiness, but I can manage to control it. I feel as though my goofiness is what makes me, me. It’s a part of my natural identity. I love my personality, I’m someone who likes to bring in fun energy. I’ve come to the point in my life where negative comments on my “bubbly” personality become something where I respond, “Well, I can’t help it.” I’d rather go through life being the person who you can always count on to make a slow weary day come alive. I want people to know just because you laugh, joke, and act silly it doesn’t make you less of an achiever. My self-identity is very meaningful to me and don’t ever want to have to change my personality.