Connecting Memories To Present Suffering - Lit Log #2

Throughout the novel The Handmaid’s Tale there have been many themes of memories and how this can affect her present suffering and future. Offred the main character has been shown to be focusing on these happy memories but then relating it back to the present and where she is, what she has, and how this is impacting her emotional state. In chapter 35 she references the feeling of feeling erased and forgotten after seeing a picture of her daughter, that was brought by Serena Joy. The part of this section that resonates with me is the feeling that my birth mother could have gotten a picture of me and felt the same way. She gave up her child and I don’t know much about her. Slowly the thoughts of her have been going away. But the same goes for me. I have one single picture of my birth mother, one memory, one thought. But I know nothing more. The feeling of not knowing whether she remembers me feels bad, not wanting to be forgotten or erased. I want to be remembered for something she used to care about. Offred shared that she knows her daughter knows her mother isn’t there but she has been erased from this narrative. On page 228 she shares, “You can see it in her eyes: I am not there. But she exists, in her white dress. She grows and lives. Isn’t that a good thing? A blessing? Still, I can’t bear it, to have been erased like that. Better she’d brought me nothing.” Offred feels pain after being shown this photo. Clearly she sees her daughter growing up in a world without her in it. I am growing up in a world where I don’t see my birth mother either. She has given me away to some other lady but who I now call my mother.

Offred often speaks about how she wants to go back to how things were back then and how everything was generally better back then. She would wish everyday that when she’d go to bed that she’d wake up in her own house and everything would be back to the way it was. On page 199 she explains, “Every Morning when I go to bed I think, In the morning I will wake up in my own house and things will be back to the way they were.” Having these types of thoughts after some change in your life is not uncommon. I know when I was younger I would wish that things could change quickly. I have been separated from my mom twice when I was younger, not for long but around ten days. I remember missing her so much no matter the situation I was in I wanted to be at home with her. All I felt was sad. I wanted things to go back to how they were before I wasn’t with her then. I understand the feeling of wanting for things to go back to the way they were, especially if life was just really good back then and you were happy. The idea that resonates with me the most is how this is a constant thing everyday where she doesn’t want to be here and she wishes every night that she could just go back.

Throughout the novel of The Handmaid’s Tale there is a circling theme along with memories that speaks about having hope and then going into despair. Finding someone or something to give you hope but then realizing where you are and how life is going in the current moment. Currently she tries to sometimes escape from this world that she is in by going to her memories and past moments in life, which can be happy. To then relive these moments and forget about what is happening now in this new world and society. But then it’s this theme again where she pulls back from these memories and realizes she is back in this world of Gilead and nothing can take her back to this past world. For example again when she sees this picture of her daughter it can bring her back to the moments when she was with her and not in the moment where she is right now. When she lays in bed wishing she was back in her home before Gilead she can go back to the memories thinking about what life was like back then and how she felt when she was there back then. She had a family, a life. Now she is separated from them and can only think of them through the memories. The past memories are now contributing to her current suffering in this new world.