Dopamine

Posted by Kyla Gladney-Enos in English 2 · Pahomov · E Band on Tuesday, November 21, 2017 at 5:30 pm

Dopamine

Oh my god, there he is! The boy I was telling you about. Be cool, be cool.

(pause)

Every time I see Tyler, it’s like 20,000 shots of dopamine gets released from my brain. He walks towards me and I lock my eyes into his, like a reminder to brush my teeth twice a day, every day -- just in case we get close. My eyes wander down to his lips, what a perfect pair of lips. I look at his arms, nice and strong. He walks away from me and I feel myself gazing at his butt. (Shakes head) Snap out of it Billy. If he turns around and looks down he’ll see you with that, and then you’ll be exposed. Fucking snap out of it!

(Pause. Billy is turned towards audience, but isn’t looking at them. He’s talking to his best friend Jor (h-or))

I know, I know, Jor. It’s wrong, I just can’t help myself though. He’s so sexy. And it’s not even like a, “damnnnn boy! Look at your body” type sexy, it’s like a, “damnnn boy! Your face, your body, your style is just a turn on.” And his personality just melts my heart. He’s perfect.

(Pause)

What do you mean “how does his personality melt your heart?” Like the way he--well, it’s more like how he--It’s like when you’re on a roller coaster. When you’re waiting in that long line and you’re preparing yourself for what’s about to happen. You finally get up to the gate and see the other people slowly pull off in the roller coaster. A few seconds later, you hear their screams--the beginning is scary and challenging, but in the end, you know they’re having a good time. Then, they come back, and they look so happy. The only difference with me is that I never get in the line, I’m too scared.

(Pause)

No, it’s not alright! I want him, but I’m too scared to tell him. I’m such a pussy.

(Pause)

You really think so? I mean, I kind of think I am. I don’t know, maybe you’re right. Ughhhh, I wish I had the balls to tell him.

(Pause)

No, I don’t! What if he looks at me like I’m crazy? Or what if he laughs and tell everyoneeeeee I’m gay? I can’t go through that humiliation. I mean, commmmmme on! How would you feel if your crush told everyoneeeeeee you liked him? Huh? (Sits down on a bench)

(Pause)

Yeah, that’s what I thought, but--

(Pause)

Wait...what?

(Pause)

So, you’re saying you wouldn’t be humiliated?

(Pause. Billy is confused)

What the fuck? ...Why not?

(Pause)

So, you’re basically saying you wouldn’t be upset if the whole school, including your crush, knew you liked him? You wouldn’t be upset to know that everyone in school knew you were gay? You would instead feel relieved?

(Pause) Damn...you have guts. You know what, you’re right. I’m gonna rip a page out of your book, and tell him. I’m gonna tell him that I like him, and he’s gonna act normal and not tell anyone that I told him I liked him. Yeah, of course. It’s totally normal for guys to like guys. Yeah! I totally got this. Yeah, because it doesn’t matter if he laughs at me, or if he doesn’t. I had the courage to tell him, which is all that matters. But how do I do it? Oh myyyyyyy God (sits down and puts face in hands). It’s like one thing after another! Like, Jesus Christ! Can I get a freaking break!

(Pause and takes face out of hands) You’re right. I don’t need to take time out of my day to flip out about what to say, or if he’ll tell everyone. He should respect me as a human being who has feelings. He should acknowledge my courage and strength to even talk to him, so that’s what I’m gonna do.

(Gets up and walks over to Tyler)

Hey, what’s up?

Comments (6)

Daeja Richardson

With the writing it worked well with you space it out from your thought then your dialogue. Also you didn't bead around them bush to kill time. your were really honest as this character.

Sara Frunzi

Something that I really like about your monologue is how you were able to really mimic the way that people can be about sensitive topics and crushes. Your character is obviously struggling with having a crush- a pain in itself- but also with the idea of coming out and the fear associated with it. You did a good job with being able to convey that without it being overly stressed. Great, relatable monologue!

Kyle Thomas

This monologue is really interesting because you can tell that the character is scared to say how she feels about Tyler to his face. Also, I liked how your voice/tone changed throughout it.

Diamond Wallace

You're acting is on point! I like the cliff hanger also. I learned that your character is building up the courage to tell his crush that he likes him. He is afraid right now because he is scared of being humiliated about his secual orientation. I would like to know what happens next .

Serenity Baruzzini

This is so honest and raw. You didn't try to tip toe, and you gave your audience something real to experience. I found myself laughing while listening because of how absurd it sounded at first, but then I realized that everybody has these weird thoughts when they have a crush. It's nice that somebody talked about the more vulnerable side of crushing on somebody. Your monologue was quite entertaining. Good work.

Angelyque Oquendo

I love your title it speaks as if there were ways to see if either it were a boy or girl, to finding out that he was all along so worried about the way "Tyler" would react and finally submerge from the shy guy who fantasized over the hottest guy in school and actually getting some balls from it. I am more of the person who will go up and tell the guy that I've been crushing on and walk away, later hopefully see the reaction later on. But I'd have confidence in what I did.