Emerson’s Lit Log #1 Deep Thoughts and Feelings in Ch 41.

At the start of Chapter 41, Offred begins the chapter by saying, “I wish this story were different” (Pg. 267). This makes me start thinking about how Offred had a dream to have a different type of reality, but unfortunately had to live in this one. A world full of inequality, cruelty, and being enslaved, and only being seen as people to benefit Gliead’s needs. As I was reading this, I also started wondering what Offred’s “perfect” reality was to her.
On the same page, Offred says, “I wish it were about love, or about sudden realizations important to one’s life, or even about sunsets, birds, rainstorms, or snow” Pg.267 The first thought that came to my mind was thinking about how Offred only wants to be seen and loved. And some emotions I felt whilst reading this were compassion, as well as feeling a bit concerned and uncomfortable. The reason for this is that throughout the book, Gilead is seen as a cruel world. And the feeling of being “loved” doesn’t exist in this world. So whenever Offred thinks certain things like these, it reminds me of what Offred goes through, making me visualize the uncomfortable stuff that happened and was described in the book. Another key thought for me was the second part of the quote, “Or about sudden realizations important to one’s life” pg. 267. What I interpreted from this part of the quote was two different ideas. One is being able to realize who you really are and finding a reason for you to be here. The second idea that I understood was that Offred hoped that the people from Gilead would realize that each person who was enslaved was human just like them.
Just from this paragraph, I also realized that Offred breaks the fourth wall. She begins by talking about her story. And even goes as far as apologizing for not having a better story. I think this was a really nice touch from the author because it feels as if the reader is really listening to Offred. I felt like I was listening to someone’s story, and they were just venting. For a moment, this didn’t just feel like reading but felt like a conversation. Meanwhile, Offred kept on venting, and she made some deep connections with her own story. Saying “I’m sorry, there is so much pain in this story. I’m sorry it’s in fragments, like a body caught in crossfire or pulled apart by force. But there is nothing I can do to change it. I’ve tried to put some of the good things in as well. Flowers, for instance, because where would we be without them?” Pg. 267. It’s surprising to me how hard she’s trying to see the good in all the bad she’s gone through just to try and have a decent story to tell. I feel like a ton of people are similar to this. It may not be a whole story, but it could be a day where people go through the worst days possible, but because of their mentality, they’re trying to find a bit of positivity to keep moving forward and not let any bad moments ruin their mood. But in Offred’s specific moment, it’s impressive that she’s trying to do this when her whole life has been bad. Going back to my previous thought of Offred breaking the fourth wall. Another example of this was in Pg. 268 when Offred says “because after all I want you to hear it, as I will hear yours too if I ever get the chance, if I meet you, or if you escape”. I really like how the author continues using this type of writing. But what stood out to me the most was the last part, “If I meet you, or if you escape,” I can tell her tone had switched. Because she kept showing determination by including good memories in a cruel story, to now saying “if I meet you or if you escape”. In this part of the story, she doesn’t show any confidence, almost as if she doesn’t think she ever will. It can either mean she’s hoping for a moment to be set free or she’s accepted the fact that this is her fate. Overall, the first and second pages of Chapter 41 are what really had me engaged in the story. Reading this section of the chapter really made me feel like this was more than a book and as if I was really listening to Offred.