Sitting in the corner of my junky room, when my mom asks me what’s wrong.
“Nothing” I replied
My mom walks out of my room, I remain in the corner feeling hopeless but, some people may say, “It isn’t that big of a deal”.
She walks back into room and says “Did you finish your homework sweetie?”
I screamed “NO!”
She sits on my bed and asks about my feelings.
I then reply by moving out of the corner, leaving my room and slamming the door behind me.
I was about 12 at the time, waiting impatiently at school for my bus to come. Sitting at the lunch table with my friends, laughing, joking, and having a good time. 30 minutes pass by, all my friends have left, and my bus was the last to come. Walking through the grassy pathway, and onto the “cheese bus” as us school kids had called it, and said hello to my bus driver and sat quietly next to the foggy window. Arriving at my stop, I hoped off the bus, walked to my doorstep, reached for my keys out my blazer, and opened the door. Slowly I walk into the house as if I was a dead zombie, lugging my bag over my shoulder, as I reached the dining table I poured out everything that was in it on the floor. I sat next to the pile of books, papers, folders pens and pencils and repeatedly shouted, ”IT’S HARD, IT’S SO HARD”. No one was home then, and it was almost time to walk down the street and get my little brother from school. I immediately ripped up every single paper I had poured onto the floor, walked outside making sure I had my keys and threw all my papers in the trash. I then walked to my younger brother’s school, called him over, signed him out, waved hello to my old teachers, and walked back home. Knowing that no one knew I’d just “spazzed” made me feel as if I was crazy.
That was the first episode I can remember having, I know it doesn’t seem like much but as I got older the episodes got more raging and intense.
Life wasn’t always as hard for me as it is now. Some say I “use to be the nicest person ever and I’ve changed a lot since my younger days”. To me this change is a good thing but my parents see it as bad and out of control. My emotions get the best of me sometimes and expressing my feelings is just the outcome. Being rude and stubborn has become a natural reaction and people don’t seem to understand why. People shouldn’t even try to understand the reason because it’s just none of their business. I’m just something we define as being human.