End Of The Year Digital Portfolio - Journal Entries

December 1^st 2010

            My future isn’t a subject that comes up very often. Not in my head, not out of my mouth, but more of my parents asking questions. ‘Are you going to college,’ ‘What college do you like,’ ‘PLAY SPORTS! GET A SCHOLARSHIP,’ ‘Join clubs, it will look good on your college application!’ my parents start to talk and I just shutdown…completely. I have one plane for now, get good grades and past 9^th grade, don’t be a dropout. The future scares me and I have thinking or talking about it. I don’t even know if I want to go to college but I have to know by 10^th grade (says my parents). I just want to live to be 20, I have dreams don’t get me wrong. On the other hand, I hate thinking about college. My mom and dad technically didn’t go to college. My mom is worried that I will just say I don’t want to go to college because she didn’t do to college. I wouldn’t say that…ever. That is a very childish excuse. I just don’t have the motivation yet. PARENTS! If I do go to college…I would go to USC (University of South California), Ohio State, or Penn. I can barely talk in front of my class without getting nervous. Maybe, I should get over that first before I think about college. I just got out of middle school! My parents are frustrating.

December 17^th 2010

A time when you were a part of a group but didn’t know what the group was doing or wanted to be a part of a group.

            In my old school there were a group of girls and older girls/boys that like ruled the school. None of them got eased and they always looked so nice. I thought that if I were in that group then I wouldn’t get picked on because I liked different things. I didn’t want to be a loner and they didn’t get into trouble. Also, they went to a lot of places and had cool accessories.

            My friend was in the group, but she wasn’t supposed to talk about what they did. Which I thought was really stupid. One day, it was just she and I hanging out and I asked her what they did in the group. She told me about everything! They all had C’s in classes, always were making out, and spent too much money on pointless things. We had uniform at our school, so it was pointless because they couldn’t wear it. Also, I saw some pictures of the group out and they all dressed the same and I hate that type of style. My friend told me about how they stole things from stores, too.

            I completely changed my mind from a week and half of waiting to be in the group, I changed my mind in the matter of 12 minutes. I didn’t want to make out with people all the time. I want to go somewhere in my life. I wouldn’t get there with all C’s and stealing things. I didn’t care if I would be teased, be popular, or be cool. I will be myself and get somewhere in life. I am glad I changed my mind because now I am in a great. Better off than everybody else! (:

March 17^th 2011

What were you feelings when you read “nigger” last night? What are your thoughts about using the word in general?

My feelings were that I already knew and suspected what time period this story was taking place in, so I knew it would come up once or more than that. I prepared myself for it. Even though, I don’t like hearing the word because it is offense and rude, they thought black people weren’t even full humans. The fact that they are still using the word even though, when people come around they don’t, that means the word isn’t used.

            I think the word is terrible to use, like when people use it now, I think it is wrong. Why do people choose the word that haunted their ancestors for years? A word that still makes some people cringe and the darkest time for African American. Any form of that word is offense and then fact that people call their best friend ‘nigger’ is wrong. I know a lot of people that use it and I just don’t talk to them. That’s just unattractive and ignorant. I don’t think there is any excuse about why people should use it because it is a horrible word that makes me feel like black people don’t realize how stupid they are when they use that word. Also, the fact that people use it in different spelling and thinks it is okay, is nonsense. People think that ‘niggah’, ‘nigger’, and ‘nigga’ have all different meanings because it is different spellings. No it isn’t different, same word, and same meaning.

April 4^th 2011

What are some of the expectations put upon you by others? What are your own expectations of yourself? Are these expectations different? How?

            I have a lot of expectations put upon me by my family, but mostly from my parents. My parents don’t want me to be like my cousins and go to jail or get into drugs. Also, to have a kid so they have grandchildren, to be successful in life with a good job, to be happy, and to be satisfied with my life. My grandparents want me to able to provide for myself, have a better life than they did, and be happy with myself.

            I know I want myself to be happy, but sometimes I can’t always be happy. I want to be able to live in a house or apartment. I want to have a job that I am happy with and interested in. I want to have kid(s) and a good family. They don’t have to get along sometimes because that wouldn’t be normal, but I don’t want any abuse. The things I want are things I expect to happen.

            All the expectations are mostly the same. For example, the fact that my grandparents want me to have a better life than they did with more privileges, that’s something, I would want too. Another thing is that they want me to have a happy family and have a job that I like; I expect those things of myself. I expect those things because I am the one that can make those things happen.