English Monologue : Abandoned

Hello, I need to talk to you, it's important.  I wanted to tell you in person but I can't wait any longer.There’s something I need to tell you. Something about my past. You know me as Amanda  but that’s not my original name. My name used to be Ama. It means the one who was born on saturday. I changed it when I was sixteen. I figured I should tell  tell you now that we are getting  married. There is only a month left till the wedding and I figured I couldn’t hold it off any longer.  Better late than never right?  I am sorry for waiting so long but  I was trying to figure out a way to tell you. I just want everything to be out in the open.

Why? Because No more secrets.

How much time do you have?

My mother was a cultured woman. My family was very big on tradition. My mother and father were so used to their costumes so even when we came here to the u.s they kept true to those traditions. I was so little when we moved that I had no loyalty to those tradition as they did. My name was Ama. This three letter is what defined me. My name was the only thing I knew that would never change I took comfort in knowing this. All my life I was kept in this little box with my life all planned out for me. I did as I was told. I was to act as a lady and grow up to be doctor. Any Kind of doctor how kind of them to let me pick my own speciality although now thinking of it they had input on that aswell. I was to wear hijab everyday and not ask any questions or even complain at the smallest detail even with the acute pain of the pin throbbing at my scalp.

There was a time that would have done anything for my parents. When I turned sixteen instead of having a normal sweet sixteen we went  to Ghana and celebrated it with family. OH because we were  everything but normal. You would think that would be the best time of my life, image you get to spend your birthday outside the country but in fact it was the exact opposite. I had grew to learn that my grandmother was ill and that was the only reason we had came. We were not here to celebrate but instead here to mourn. I had been lied to.  My grandmother had been sick for a while so I had to have known it was was coming. She was second mother. Before she fell ill she was the one that took care me. Her and  I were close and I could tell her everything even if was about boys. When her illness became worse they sent her back to Ghana for herbal treatment since our western medicine had failed us. I had prayed over and over for Allah to help me heal her.  He ignored me.  After she died I no longer believed in the words of Allah. He had not been there for me when I need him and that my reason for abounding him. I just was returning the favor as you would say.

I needed a new start. It was time for change. It was the moment I had dreamed for years was here. I had never expressed my desire to practice a new religion I went to the mirror and look at myself with the hijab one last time. I took each pin out one by one. It was finally off and I was finally free. I was doing this for myself and no one else. I was tired of living in my parents shadow and having to do everything they asked of me because they knew what was best and hearing  “We are doing this for you Ama” everytime I questioned them.  Once I showed my parents that I had taken off my hijab they did not speak to me. We have not spoken since that day. I was sixteen then.

I figured I should reached out to her being with the wedding being a month away and all. I mean how would it look like not not having the mother of the bride at the wedding. I agree even though we don't get along I still would like her to be there. I know she will want me to go back to using my original name but I guess it's worth it if it means having her there. You’re right I’ll should call her.

I am Ama nothing more nothing less.