Every Existing Outcome

College English

Ms. Pahomov

Tybria Bowser

Oct. 12, 2023

There are many possibilities and outcomes within our universe. One action can proceed to throw anyone and everyone off course, in theory. I heavily believe in this theory. I’ve thought about this a lot and have relied on it to kind of predict the future a bit. Every action comes with the thought of what could happen after. To keep myself from disappointment and also encourage myself in a way. You can see this tendency within Offred too.

Offred had a husband, a husband who she has been separated from because of the situation in Gilead. We aren’t sure what has happened to him and she is just as clueless. But her approach to his lack of existence in her life is to make a new life for him. In her words “I believe Luke is lying face down in a thicket… What is left of him: his hair, the bones…”. Offred believes that he is dead but she also believes “Luke is sitting up, in a rectangle somewhere, gray cement, on a ledge or edge of something, a bed or chair”. Then there is also that belief of him still existing, peacefully. Those aren’t her only “beliefs” there are beliefs that he was captured, thrown into an animal cage. A belief he was killed fast, no pain and even a belief that he escaped and is working hard to find a way to bring Offred back to safety with him. Offred has so many beliefs to make up for the lack of knowing. As she says “But I believe in all of them… This contradictory way of believing seems to me, right now, the only way I can believe anything. Whatever the truth is, I will be ready for it”. To her it seems that this way of thinking is preparation for good news or bad news. To me, it is the only way to move forward for people who would put themselves into the cynical category.

I believe the same way Offred does. I believe that I’ll get plenty of scholarships, go off to college, finish with no debt, and have a fruitful career. I also believe that I’ll only be able to partially cover college with scholarships, go into debt, and pay it off with my job. Not as fast as I would like, but it will be paid off. But then there is also the possibility that I won’t get any scholarships, I’ll still go to college. Maybe I’ll go to community college and save money or just take on hundreds of thousands of debt. Maybe I’ll never pay it off and I’ll be stuck working until I’m put into a nursing home. There is a tension between my past, present, and future. The tension keeps these scenarios spinning within my head, never stopping until whatever is on my mind has happened. But at least I know whatever happens, I’ll be prepared.

Offred and I will be prepared, I don’t think we have much of a plan for when it happens but emotions won’t be much of a problem in that moment. There is a type of comfort in knowing that everything could go right and at the same time everything could go wrong. Indulging in those negative emotions leaves less time for grieving but there could also be something disadvantageous within that. It could also lead to low-balling myself. It leaves lots of room for self doubt. I find myself often taking the safe route, whatever it takes to get a feeling of security even if I have to sacrifice something like my happiness for that security. In Offred’s case, it keeps her in a docile state of mind. “Just wait and good will come” type of mindset. Both are a form of self harm. Letting the feeling of not knowing control your every action.

I look forward to seeing how the story develops further and finding out whether the question of “what happened to Luke?” is finally answered. Like Offred I believe he could be within a rebellion, looking to come and save her. He could be dead or being tortured. I even believe he could have moved on, now living an unrestrained life of freedom from Gilead. As long as none of these are true or false, all of these are true. There’s also another side to this curiosity. I believe Offred will never find out about Luke, that she’ll continue to live a docile life or grow sick of Gilead and become another Moira. Or maybe she will find out about what happened to Luke and find no reason to live anymore. There’s even a possibility that Luke may come riding in on a horse with a battalion to save Offred. All of these are true and untrue at the same time. As someone who takes the safe route I hope that Offred doesn’t. I hope she goes out with a bang and leaves all of those possibilities behind. I hope that we make our own path instead of waiting for the ones running through our minds to come true.