Failure Is Not An Option

Failure was never an option, and it never will be, that is something that my parents have taught me from such a young age. I was lectured daily about any mistake that I made, I was always the best at school, no-one was smarter than me, I was the best in all my classes, I’m not being arrogant, no, its really true, I’m just better than most people, my intellect exceeds those of my peers. This is something that I will always fall back on when anything gets difficult, I can always count on my brain to get me out of whatever situation I was in. That is until I got this letter. I opened it so rapidly thinking ‘another success’ just like all the other successes that so frequently occurred in my life. Now here I am in my living room, standing with this letter of denial to my dream school, surrounded by this dreadful feeling, surrounded by failure. What is happening? I can’t believe it, I failed, I could feel the paper crumbling under my hand. Tears of shame and failure now roll down my cheeks so rapidly, rolling down a face that embodied disappointment. What am I going to do? The application deadline already passed, I need another school, I need to find something quick! This is all my counselor's fault, she probably forgot to send the letter of recommendation, I hate her so much! All she does is sit in that office all day and talk to the kids with no future! I have a future, why can’t she help me succeed, why ?!! Y’know maybe it wasn’t her, I think it was my goddamn Chem teacher, if she had given me an A first quarter freshman year, my GPA would be higher, I hate her so much, they all want to see me fail just because they’re failing at life. It wasn’t her, she didn’t cause this, it was my family, they taught me failure is never an option but they couldn’t stand to see me winning they couldn’t embrace the idea that I am better and will always be better than them, always sending me to do some damn chores, how are chores going to help me in life? Am I growing up to becoming a goddamn dishwasher? No, it’s none of their faults, they have no effect on what occurs at the end of the day, at the end of the day it's me who decides what happens in my life. They didn’t do this to me, I did it to myself, I am the reason why I can’t go to my dream school, I’m the one who decided to apply to only one school, I’m the one who’s too arrogant, too dim-witted to see that he was only negatively affecting himself, I failed myself, no-one else. What am I going to do? What will my friends think of me, not getting into the top school? what will parents say? How will they react, how am I going to explain to them that I… failed, how am I going to tell them that this was my only choice, what will I do? Y’know, I don’t even care anymore, whatever happens, happens, all I can do is wait to apply to community college, I guess I have to go there for some time before I can do anything, I need to learn that not everything is about me, I need to make a difference in myself before I can truly move on, so from now on I’ll be humble. I need to clean this up before the dimwits arrive.