Gallopia

Indi: I was thinking about making a choose your own adventure an assignment in the class. Does your excellent work mean it's something i SHOULD do, or something I shouldn't? ;)

I can't describe how good this idea and story is. The second person perspective being turned into a choose your own adventure story, the descriptive writing, and the plot all work together to make this story work in a really good way.

This is such a cool idea, Indi! I loved choose your own adventure stories when I was little, so it was cool to return to that genre again. The world you created was really cool, and I think it could've been taken to the next level if there were more sensory descriptions to deepen the world even more. I also would love to keep reading about this world, it's history, and meaning! Good job!

Your writing is always enjoyable to read. The experience of second-person writing and having choices was a fun one. The place is very interesting and the story options are well-written enough to imagine and take each path. It felt like a game.

I loved the complexity of your story. It reminded me a little bit of the movie Pleasantville, with those lurking feelings of fear and doubt. All of the options for the choose-your-own-adventure parts really took the reader on a unique journey. This story was one of a kind, which was what made it great to read.

With only the first choice having been made in your masterfully immersive story I was determined to always follow the rules, even if it meant ignoring what I felt was right of me to do. I know that most would do what they wanted, but I wanted to read this story and BE this character as if I was a real stickler for the rules, therefore wouldn't break them even if it was against my better judgement. Just from the beginning of your story, specifically the first choice to not help the duck I could tell there was something up, and I'm sure the same suspense was built up with choice #2, and I really like that. I think you could've done a much better job when characters were speaking because the main principle of how to show anyone is speaking in a story was very much ignored throughout your story. (Pre-finished theory) I think the long they are in the place the longer the place, or whoever is able to control their brain/emotions. This control is limited in the beginning, hence why one of the wives was able to essentially disobey her command to blankly stare out of the window. She had just been trapped and was trying to fight back against the control by using a small gesture such as waving to signal to the new group that our protagonist is apart to be cautious. I would've liked more description as to what Walter looks like in his code from. I died in the end choosing choice one as my final one. I definitely found this to be the most engaging, and entertaining story, whereas you were able to use the choice/interactive method of storytelling to a great degree, and your knowledge of that method was executed greatly. Mystery stories always go best with choice method storytelling, and I'm still left wanting to know what this seeming simulation is about and what it is. Sometimes with the storytelling you chose to do you don't even have to create direct conflict because sometimes and issue is just having to choose something that isn't inherently conflict, but this let your story be a little too quickly paced, in which I think the setting could've been set up more, along with maybe other characters outside of just the protagonist. The death also felt a little too jarring, but surely creative and unique!

With only the first choice having been made in your masterfully immersive story I was determined to always follow the rules, even if it meant ignoring what I felt was right of me to do. I know that most would do what they wanted, but I wanted to read this story and BE this character as if I was a real stickler for the rules, therefore wouldn't break them even if it was against my better judgement. Just from the beginning of your story, specifically the first choice to not help the duck I could tell there was something up, and I'm sure the same suspense was built up with choice #2, and I really like that. I think you could've done a much better job when characters were speaking because the main principle of how to show anyone is speaking in a story was very much ignored throughout your story. (Pre-finished theory) I think the long they are in the place the longer the place, or whoever is able to control their brain/emotions. This control is limited in the beginning, hence why one of the wives was able to essentially disobey her command to blankly stare out of the window. She had just been trapped and was trying to fight back against the control by using a small gesture such as waving to signal to the new group that our protagonist is apart to be cautious. I would've liked more description as to what Walter looks like in his code from. I died in the end choosing choice one as my final one. I definitely found this to be the most engaging, and entertaining story, whereas you were able to use the choice/interactive method of storytelling to a great degree, and your knowledge of that method was executed greatly. Mystery stories always go best with choice method storytelling, and I'm still left wanting to know what this seeming simulation is about and what it is. Sometimes with the storytelling you chose to do you don't even have to create direct conflict because sometimes and issue is just having to choose something that isn't inherently conflict, but this let your story be a little too quickly paced, in which I think the setting could've been set up more, along with maybe other characters outside of just the protagonist. The death also felt a little too jarring, but surely creative and unique!

I love the way you made this into a choose your own adventure, but the way in which you write makes everything feel more personal. The narrator seems like a real character, and the several different choices are really descriptive and immersive. Good job!

The choice to make it a choose-your-own-adventure story gave you more of the ability to tell all of the what-ifs of a story. You had a certain set of rules that the reader knew they should follow, and you would survive if they did what you said. Maybe you could have had an ending where they should have not listened to the rules, because following the rules turned out to be more dangerous?

The way you convey emotion in your first section really drew me in and then when you revealed that it was a choice-your-own-adventure story really brought a new type of writing perspective that I wasn't expecting but fully enjoyed.

Writing this story in a choose-your-own-adventure narrative gives new meaning to storytelling perspectives. It also lets the reader construct their own story, which is really fun and always interesting. I felt like the amount of perfection in the story and how the tourists interact with the people of Gallopia contribute to the ominous tone of the story. What would have happened if you had continued with the tour and had options for the main character to escape from the deaths not following the rules bring?