Gender vs. Individuality

A Couple years ago on my birthday in Algeria, the house filled with joyous laughter, loud cheery cultural music, kids footsteps thumping through the hallways, and wine glasses clinking together leaving a tender crystal vibrating echo across the room. With a matter of seconds, the music came to a halt, the laughter ceased to complete silence, footsteps slowed down, and the precedent echoes from the wine glasses became a little more clear and less tender. A repetitive throb with an awful scream gusted in from the doors and windows and froze everyone still.

“Aghiles? Where is Aghiles? My mom jumped out of her seat interrogating everyone for my brother..

I knew where he was. I knew he didn't listen when my grandmother warned him about the broken gate on the front porch. Ever since he got his green lantern bicycle with flashy training wheels, he has not gotten off of it. He rides the little green monster like a NASCAR driver back and forth. And by the pitch of his screech of pain, I guess this time it took a bad turn.

We all ran outside to help, Aghiles is at the bottom of the huge grey staircase. I got drowned and disposed of in the back of the crowd. The little king. My brother's wines drew the people closer and closer and further and further away from me.

It's my birthday. They’re my guests. If a birthday is supposed to be the day you get the most attention and care then it must've been his birthday every day.

“My son!” My mother cried.

He’s going to be fine, a broken arm hasn’t killed anyone before. Was this that big of a deal? Can we get back to me?

Growing up with two brothers, there was never enough attention to spread to me, there was never enough extra care to come to me. I had to give the attention and care to myself.

Why didn’t my mother scream out,

“My daughter!” When I fell down the stairs. And I was way younger than then he is and the stairs were much larger and longer than those ones. This was not an accident,  he was asking for it. On the other hand I fell down the stairs by accident. I remember that incident as clear as day.

It was a bright early morning. It had to be the weekend or I would've been at school already. I knew how to walk fine but I still never really looked or cared about where I went. I just step after step and move forward.

I begun picking up the pace and ran towards the staircase. I looked down leaning forward and holding on to the very high wall that was where the pole used be. Before I knew it I felt a sharp pain on my shoulder as my legs swung upwards depassing my chest. I clenched my eyes and wrinkled my forehead from the pain. I could feel the jets of the smoldering hot sun beaming down and scorching my fair white skin. Thump after thump. I could feel the bruises ingraining into my exposed and helpless body. The pain no longer had value, it became numb. I was rolling down the stairs and finally made my last clash onto the brisk, textured, concrete pavement. I shouted and shouted for help. My heart continued to pick up the pace as if it was about to escape my chest.

I couldn’t understand what the dark figure was standing over me. Through the hazy atmosphere, I recognized the sharp teeth with saliva dripping from the keel tip. I heard a heavy bark followed by a slimy and long lick across my face. It was my dog.

No matter how loud my screams were, they were not enough. I patted off the little pebbles and dirt engraved into my arms and legs. I shook off any dirt access on my little pink dress and I pulled myself up and walked inside. I dragged over the chair and reach for the emergency box and grabbed a couple band-aids. After a couple of struggles, I had finally got them on. I took care of myself. I did it alone.

Being from a country where sons have more value than the daughters, many of the incidents as so, happened plenty of times growing up to me and many other siblings as well. Though, I do not see it as a curse like most people do, I view it as a good lesson taught. Similar to many girls in my position, we are forced to grow up quickly and take care of ourselves alone. My gender has made the individual, independent, secure female that I am today.