How Toxic Masculinity Pollutes More Than Just Men

In this essay I explore the confines of toxic masculinity and propose it is something that can affect anyone. If I were to write it again, I would like to spend more time on analysis to better support my thesis. I would also have liked to create a better flow, because I feel the essay can be choppy at times. However, I was ultimately proud of the format of my essay, because I tried something new in terms of the format, and how I introduced the topic. In the future I would like to further explore the ways in which I could rearrange my writing.

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I could not have been further from familiarity buried deep in the Yosemite National Park, but I felt right at home, hard to find in the forest. A soft chill fell over the evening air. The smell of smoked wood served as a distraction so the sun could sneak away discreetly.

I did not know everyone there, and the new-faced adults were intimidating. All I knew was that I was older than the other kids, and consequently more level-headed. Jeromy, a family friend, was quickly conjuring up flames to cook a campfire meal on, but the guests were getting hungrier than the fire.

“Hey, does anyone want to help me out choppin’ logs?” Jeromy spoke cheerfully. His smiley tone indicated he was addressing the kids table. He was offering the handle of a small axe to any willing to accept his challenge.

Being the boisterous leader of the younger ones, I stepped up to the plate. With my fabricated confidence, noodle arms and all, I undeniably announced myself as a viable candidate. But my self-assured stance soaked in anticipation would not even savor the satisfaction of acknowledgement. My efforts went largely unnoticed, and Jeromy’s eyes cut through me like a knife through sad butter and landed instead, on some other, younger boy slumped absentmindedly behind me on a log. This little boy got to chop the logs.

So as I watched him barely heave the hatchet over his head, I was counting the ways in which I could have done a better job. I critiqued his form spitefully, but my mind was more heavily milling over my flaws. What was it that took my offer out of the running? Was I too small? Was I too stupid? Not trustworthy with an axe? How could I possibly prove myself capable of cutting wood? I was angry that something about my superb stature squashed my chances of wood chopping. In that moment, and in many to come, I compared my own strength to those who stole my missed opportunities. Over time, I picked up the pattern that my femininity was racing ahead of me and kicking opportunities out of the way like unlucky pebbles.

There are a million things I could have done once I discovered my femininity. I could have embraced it with its bright colors and pretty pieces, and used it to propel me towards opportunities. I could have hidden it; I could have accepted it. I chose to crumple it up small and swallow it whole. In order to finally have hatchets handed to me, I needed all the muscle mass I could get.

But why did I choose to suppress it? How is it possible that, in that moment, the system imprinted on me, a girl, that the right thing to do was rid myself of femininity?

The concept of toxic masculinity being something capable of affecting people other than men is explored in the Telegraph’s article Violence Does Not Come Naturally to Men and Boys: “Contrary to what Fox News and faulty science would say, it takes a huge effort to turn boys and men into killers. From primatologists to evolutionary anthropologists, we know that neither women nor men are killers by nature” (June 2015). We live in a society which heavily promotes organizations like the NFL, or encourages men to follow careers in the military or in construction. These are all jobs which require their participants to, more times than not, put on a brave face, and fight through physical and emotional afflictions. More importantly, some of these organizations do not even allow women to participate. Our society is riddled with systems which impose toxic masculinity onto men, and evidently these philosophies do not come naturally to them. The article continues, “Extreme trauma, humiliation, shaming, social isolation and intense indoctrination are nearly always part of the making of men who kill.” There are intense and rigorous factors at play which aim to make men this way, and if these ideas were imposed on women, they would be changed just the same. Jared L. Skillings, Phd, emphasizes this point in CNBC’s article Gillette's toxic masculinity ad earned a mixed response—but research supports the message. “There are also ways in which men can be unhealthy — just like women. And so it's important for us to try to highlight and accentuate the areas that are positive and try to identify and fix the ones that are not” (January 16, 2019). In this severely indoctrinating system, it is perfectly possible for women to inherit the same ideas. They can be unhealthy in the same ways as men. In many cases, their environment makes that possibility a reality.

My example of chopping firewood is not an isolated incident. For years to come, I spent hours of my time working tirelessly to look and feel more masculine. Habits of self hatred and an incessant need to feel tougher were probably picked up from the boys with whom I spent a lot of time. Although I will never really go through it, I know how much energy it takes out of a person to truly embody masculinity. I am well aware of fearing femininity being a full time job. In middle school, I even spent a few years forcing myself to be a tenor in a capella because I feared those around me associated lower octaves with a higher IQ. I wore big, baggy t-shirts because I believed that being small would hold me back, and I wore a thick skin and an angry face because I thought if I was too nice I was too weak. I associated coldness with coolness, bigger muscles with a bigger brain, and femininity with negativity. Ask me anytime and I will gladly tell you the story of a parasite called toxic masculinity using a woman as a host.

Works Cited:

1. Barker, Gary. "Violence Does Not Come Naturally to Men and Boys." The Telegraph. June 05, 2015. Accessed January 18, 2019. https://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/thinking-man/11652352/Violence-does-not-come-naturally-to-men-and-boys.html.

2. Hess, Abigail. "Gillette's Toxic Masculinity Ad Earned a Mixed Response-but Research Supports the Message." CNBC. January 16, 2019. Accessed January 18, 2019. https://www.cnbc.com/2019/01/16/scientists-agree-with-the-message-of-gillettes-toxic-masculinity-ad-.html.