I'll Be Fine

Oh no. Oh shit. Shit. Holy crap what is he doing here? He’s supposed to have marching band today. Ahhh. NO. You know what it’s fine, I’m fine, I’m sure he won’t notice me. Oh wait of course he’ll freaking notice me. Why? Cause I’m the one gonna be ringing up whatever he buys. Okay it’s okay, I’ll be fine.

I should say something to him. Yeah it's not like he doesn't know who I am. Let me just… let me just organize this candy first. -organizes candy at cashier-

Oh he likes root beer. Wow… lots of root beer. He's taking his time. He seems like one of those customers that spends ten minutes picking out what they want to buy. We don't have a huge selection here, not being a chain and all, so it'll be no time before he comes up and has to pay.

Let's do this. When he comes up, I say hello, he says hello…. what happens after that? Is it weird to tell someone that you're madly crushing on them, and have been for a year and a half, in a candy store?  -jumps from ringing of store bell- My god we should really get a less jumpy bell.

Ah Matthew he's so great. I've known him since third grade when we arrived in Ms. Perkins class and our moms started to chat it up, moms being moms. His family would come over to my house every Friday and our moms would drink wine out of huge glasses, gossiping about the neighborhood while our dads would go down to the garage and work (obsess) over the 1967 blue mustang my dad had in our garage. While we usually just ending up watching whatever is on TV that night, and then we gather up for a ‘family and friends’ game night. Oh god, did I really just say that? Shows how exciting life is here in New Jersey suburbia.

Why tell him now? Well! Maybe because today in school I overheard Becky and Jessica discussing how if Becky asked Matthew out then it would increase her social status. And I quote, “Have you seen him? He’s little boy no more.” First of all, we’re in tenth grade, not running for congress, so why do you need a goddamn social status? Second of all, he is more than just good looking, although he did have a really nice glo-up. Not that I noticed! Oh whom I kidding he went from Screech to Slater in one summer between ninth and tenth.

But he’s more than just a face. He’s the boy that carried me from the local pool back to my house when I banged my head against the concrete in fifth grade. He’s the boy that doesn’t speak mean of anyone, no matter how vile they are. He cares about his mom, his friends, and the happiness of others. He’s the person that geeks out over the new stars wars movies and Harry Potter. He loves photography and the outdoors… and dresses not as if he just came to school in his pajamas! He’s amazing, and his smile sends me on a whirlwind of butterflies in my stomach.

Oh, looks like now he’s in the chip section. Hot cheetos, respectable choice. He won’t be long. He’ll probably be here soon.

But a guy like him would never look twice at a girl like me, even if we have been friends for years. I’m not pretty like Becky and Jessica. They flirt and flaunt, and then there’s me. Me who doesn’t know how to flirt. Doesn’t have much, or anything to flaunt. A boy says hi to me and I try to speak, and then words don’t always come out! Oh god here he comes. Hair, teeth clean, boom okay.

Hey. I’m good, how bout you? Good. Is this all? Okay. Anything else I can help you with? Okay. That’ll be 7.92. Ten dollars, here’s your change- 2.08. Have a nice day…

Matt! Would you want to maybe, perhaps, hang out on Friday? Ditch annual family game night and um, go to the carnival downtown instead….?