I'm Bilingual, are you too?

“Hey! I heard you're Filipino! Kamusta ka? My name is Clarice,” said Clarice, the girl in the party.

I said, “Yes I am, I’m good. Hi Clarice my name is Pauline.”

“Oh geez lets not speak in English, I think my nose will bleed soon. Phew! At last! Someone to talk to without thinking if I said the right verb or noun! I have been looking for a Filipino friend in ages!! That’s why when someone said there’s another Filipino in here I went hunting.” She said in Tagalog.

I said, “AAAH! Same here! Oh gosh at first I thought you don’t know how to speak Tagalog, I was disappointed but here we are! Speaking in Tagalog. I only speak tagalog to my relatives because I rarely meet people who can speak Tagalog in here!” After that we were inseparable. People in the party were staring at us because they don’t know what we were talking about. We even started to gossip about the people in the party and we make fun of other people. It feels natural and it is like we know each other since we were kids. Speaking our native language made us have a connection.

Being bilingual is a good thing. Language is not really my major problem because I learned how to speak English in my early years. Filipinos were taught English in school and at home. However, we mostly speak our native language all the time. I know my basic English but I can’t say that I am an expert. I remember the days where I used to struggle to have a proper conversation with my classmates. Yes, I understand them but I have to think of proper English words to say. Up until now I still struggle pronouncing and finding words to express what I want to say and my words sometimes get so complicated and messed up.           

When I was reading "Hunger for Memory" by Richard Rodriquez, I had the same feeling that he has back then, the feeling of safety and being "home", the familiar sounds and words that wrap around me when I speak my native language. Rodriguez said, “I was a bilingual child, a certain kind socially disadvantage.” Rodriquez was saying that being a bilingual kid is also hard because you will have a hard time to socialize with people because you are not fluent when you speak their language. I had this feeling before; I wanted to play with my classmates but then I couldn’t because I didn’t know what to say to them so I could join.

I am not the only person who struggles being bilingual. My parents are also bilingual. My parents struggle to speak English more than I do back in the days and sometimes even now, because they were more exposed in our own culture and native language. That is the reason why they can’t pronounce and find the right words that they wan to say. Rodriguez also pointed that out in the story, “It was unsettling to hear my parents struggle with English. Hearing them, I’d grow nervous, my clutching trusts in their protection and power weakened.” In this quote he was saying that when he hear his parents speak in English, he doesn’t feel as protected as he does when his parents speak in their natural language. I also felt the way he did back then and sometimes there are some occasions where I still feel like that. It is not that I feel embarrassed when they can’t speak properly; it is just that I feel vulnerable because they cannot explain things and express themselves right. I feel like I am the one who should be the parent and talk to the people.

In Rodriquez’s words, he said, “I shared with my family a language that was startlingly different from the used in the great city around us.” In this quote, Rodriquez is stating that he is bilingual. I feel the same way he did. Whenever I’m in the house or when my parents and I are outside shopping, I always speak Tagalog. I speak Tagalog when I’m with my family because I feel closer to my culture and I also feel home and protected. I feel natural when I speak my native language. No other people in the city can share the same feeling that I have with my family. However, whenever I speak Tagalog in public, I still feel distant. In Rodriquez’s words, he said, “Nervously, I’d arrive at the grocery store to hear the sounds of the gringo -foreign to me- reminding me that in this world so big, I was a foreigner.” Rodriquez is stating that I can say that I can speak in English but I can’t erase the fact that I am a foreigner.

 Being bilingual might be hard at times but it is also a good thing because you are touching two different cultures. You re more exposed to culture than people who only speak one language. Being bilingual might be complicated and difficult to handle but when you speak your native language, you will feel at home and the warmth of your true self.