I Don't Belong Here - Andora Robinson

My mother’s voice woke me out of my sleep. ¨Get out of bed Andy. It’s time to go to church.¨ ¨Okay mommy.¨ I said with the innocence that only a 7-year-old could have. I was always excited for Sundays. I got to put on my best dresses and see my bible school teacher who always smelled like cookies. But today was going to be different. Today I was going to sit in the pews with all the adults. I was a big girl now.

As we were getting ready to leave the house my mom fussed over the collar of my dress and made me put a scarf on even though we were in the middle of spring. She looked me deep in my brown eyes and said ¨You’re a big girl now so make sure you behave.¨ Today I wish she gave me a better warning of what I was about to walk into.

As we stepped in the door of the church where the preaching happened. I immediately felt a mixture of being uncomfortable & uncertainty. This was so much different that the environment I’m used to. There are no children’s pictures to cover the walls and no one to read bible stories to us on the reading carpet. Instead, all of my comforts were replaced with hard wooden pews, cold air, and stained glass.

In the midst of all this confusion, I immediately calmed down when I saw my favorite pastor step up to the podium. I had never heard him preach before but he always stopped by during bible school to say hi. He greeting the church members and lead in morning prayer. His next words shocked me.

¨Today we’re gonna talk about the ultimate sin. Liking someone of the same sex is not holy. God does not love or accept fags.¨ The people in the audience gave their approval of this statement. Shouting ¨Amen.¨ at these ridiculous claims. While I just sat there shocked. This isn’t what I learned in bible school. I was taught that God loves everyone but apparently I was wrong.

As months went by and I continued to listen to his sermons. I found myself disagree with what he was preaching. Eventually, I just stopped going to church at all.

Now that I’m older I question what religion really is. Because there are so many stories and beliefs, not all of them can be true. Maybe even none of them are true. The system of religion I believe was to bring people together. To make them have something in common. But, throughout the years I think the system has been tainted. Mostly with our own opinions. We use religion as a way to discriminate and be cruel to people all because of what they believe in.

By no means am I saying that you shouldn’t be religious. But, don’t treat people differently because of it. If you know something is wrong then acknowledge it. Instead of just accepting it.

Since my experience at church, I study different religions and follow what I feel is right. I am aware in my decisions and I refuse to follow things blindly.