I think I'm hungry,or not!

“OMG I AM SO HUNGRY AMY!!!!”

NO, I’ve gotten so far with this I’m not going to start eating now. You know I just make cupcakes for Susana’s birthday and I just want one!! You know what Amy you don’t understand me you’re skinny . well… I’ve been doing good all week and my period is about to come on so I am PMSing its okay, this always happens. just one. (takes one bite) This shit is good as shit. mmmmm mhhhh mmmm … I can bake. (after  finished eating  it walks into the bathroom) ….No What am  I doing. Get it together TARA… but Why am I so fat.It is crazy how hard I starve myself and try everything in my power to loose weight. why can’t I be like those white girls who are so skinny.  I want to eat what I want and when I do I have to throw it right up?

Waking up everyday and looking in the mirror and not liking what I  see is aggravating. I hate how I look. I hate walking the the Halls and feeling like I don’t belong. Last year when I was a freshman people used to say I looked like a monster. I don’t appreciate being constantly made fun of by them because of how I look. Being constantly criticized by them does not make me feel better about myself. I should not wake up everyday feeling like I don’t belong. The life I live is horrible. I hate when people” say awww your not fat you’re just thick”. No my favorite is when the skinniest person says “I’m so fat” Well what the hell am I than?.

You know what I’m doing for a fun tomorrow! Yeah that sounds like a plan...running NO… but I hate running. I hate sweating. What is it called perception, no persperate. I don’t like to perspire. Well, guess thats that. I need to be skinny. I am so fat. I want to stick my finger down my throat but I’m scared. My fat fingers are too big to be shoving down my throat like sausage links.

Why can’t I wake up look in the mirror and love myself. I should not feel like everyone around me is better. I should feel confident enough to feel like being me and live my life. Being skinny is all I want to be.