If I had Known..

I started my college process like every other student: with the SATs.  However, unlike most students, I had spent the proceeding 4 months reviewing sentence structure, math concepts and reading techniques.  I took practice sections almost every week; I would shut my door and inform the entire house that no one was to disturb me while I prepared for my future.  Now, that seriousness makes me laugh, but between the regular SATs and then the subject test, it was my life for almost a year. 

Now I’m sure most of you are thinking, “she’s crazy.”  Go ahead, admit it.  I feel the same way sometimes.  I push myself way to hard and worry about things that while important, aren’t that important.

I remember working on my Georgetown application and staring at my computer for almost 5 minutes before actually submitting it.  Again, I needed to recheck everything, ensuring that it was perfect.  It was my first choice and I knew I’d be devastated if I wasn’t accepted.  The month and a half wait to hear the committee’s decision almost killed me.  You can ask my friends; I talked about it constantly.  “You’ll get in, Taylor.  Stop freaking out.”  “But what if..” was the chorus on replay in my head. 

On the Monday before I was supposed to find out, I was called to Ms. Hirshfield’s.  I didn’t know what it was about, but I figured a college had sent me a package, which wasn’t uncommon.  I walk in and she’s beaming.  I give her the awkward, “I don’t know what’s going on, but it must be good” eyebrow raise. 

“So… Georgetown,” she prompted.

“I don’t hear till Wednesday,” I answered. 

She was still grinning and then it hit me.

“I got in! I got in!” All of a sudden I was jumping and clapping.  No, it was not one of my most modest moments, but I didn’t care.  I was too happy for words. 

I called my mom, who shared my excitement.  “I knew you would, honey.”  My dad was even more blunt over the news.  “Yeah.. and?  It’s not like I didn’t expect it.”  Each one of my friends echoed their sentiments.  “Of course you did, congrats!”  “We knew you would, Taylor.” 

The more people I told, the more annoyed I got.  Was the accomplishment less impressive because it was expected? Even worse, if everyone else had knew, why hadn’t I?  I couldn’t help but wonder, If I had known that everything would work out in the end, would I have let stress dictate my entire high school career?