In The End You'll Always have yourself to Count on

A few years ago my sister, Celita, and I always took late night walks. We would walk Hunting park to Juniata even to the boulevard.  Where we would just talk about our future, past, and present.

“Do you ever think she’ll change soon? She responds,

“I don’t know Orlando, she's missing out on you and how much your growing which pisses me off. “

“Just hope she is able to be a parent and help me when I enter high school next year. Because a boy graduates next week.”  I say.

My sister replies “Hopefully she can go. I know you want her to go deep down to see if she's willing to change.

  The night before graduation. I try on khaki pants with my lemonade dress shirt, yellow, white and navy blue striped bow tie, and navy blue suspenders. to calm my nerves. While doing so I practice my cum laude speech a few times. Once I finished I went to my mom’s room, a beige door to ask

“Mom, you have to be up by 7 tomorrow I'll call and check if you're up okay? I get no answer which leaves me curious if she heard me.

“See you tomorrow I can't wait!”

Graduation morning, I woke up at 6:30.  Brushed my teeth and got dressed in the downstairs bathroom. I make a left to head up to check if Angely is ready. Once I see her I say

“Damn Somebody looks really simple and beautiful” she smiles because I look really sharp and a bit mature.

“Did you call your mom to see if she's up?” She asks

So I call her and she doesn't answer so I call twice, three times, the fourth time she answers. “HEY momma you up? On your way?” I ask and she replies with an

“I can't go I have to work I told you.

Once I heard “I can't” I become so heartbroken and beyond furious.

Graduation time and I have nobody to witness me say my lovely speech to the students and receive 4 awards. I'm so happy but broken. A wound that will never heal because it’s an event that will never happen again. An event I did so well in and she missed it for a fucking job. I was so upset she didn't go because wanted to learn and understand that her addiction was something she is struggling with. I just wanted to see that she was trying, that Michelle my mom actually wanted to be a part of my life which she hasn't since.

To be able to feel like a kid I will just stay at my best friend's house. Where I was able to breathe and put the adult pants to the side. I would go every weekend even on holidays.  My mom noticed which made her jealous. New years eve was amazing everybody danced including my mom. Believe it or not, the first time I ever felt connected and seen some me and her. The beautiful Festive day turned into a nightmare. It began when my mom started to call me names to make me irritated, in order to avoid I moved away. 2 am she is still up and everybody wants to go sleep so they hide the extension.  My mom asks me to bring down the extension in her room but I told her

“no she's drunk”.  

After I said that she went upstairs and started a fight, it became physical and she choked me for a good minute then my sister pulled her off. She then  tells me

“Get the fuck out now. Go to Felix house since you love them more.”  I say confused

“I will don't worry. They treat me more like a son than you ever have. Don't worry I won't be here for long.

During the night I cried, just reflecting on how the Alcohol is taking over her life. She is more aggressive and inhuman towards her own kids; this shifted what my view on my mother was. It also made me feel life threatened.

The feeling of being unsafe continued. So one night she came home drunk started a fight with my sister over her graduation. The fight got worse and my mom left for the bar. This made me feel so uncomfortable in my own house so I had to text Lehmann.

“Hey I'm sorry it's late, but I don't feel safe in my house. My mom is drunk. She got into a fight with my sister and I feel unsafe. I say. He responds

“Orlando it's not a problem, I have to pick you up if you don't feel safe. Can you send me your address.”

15 mins later Lehmann came with cops and got me out safe. The next day I had a talk with Martin and Lehmann about her behavior and that I didn't want to go back. I started to live with my best friend Felix.

Weeks later Court approached. Waiting for a courtroom is the most terrible feeling. I felt so many emotions from rejected to enraged. But there was always a piece in me was always wanting to see if she’ll change. That piece wanted her to come and at least fight for me. 3 hours passed and no sign of her. This made me realize that no matter what I'll be the only one there to help and support myself.

The most important people in your life are usually your parents, they show you the right from wrong in this cruel world. They guide you and set a model for you to follow. In this case that is not for me. I had no type of relationship with Michelle my mother. Due to the fact she’s a drug addict. Being a drug addict/parent can ruin a relationship in a matter of months. So you have to fend on your own in order to succeed and live a healthy life.