In the Life of a ¨No¨

          In the Life of a ¨No¨

Sweet heart you finally came, you really came, come sit next to me give me your hand I want to tell you some things today.  Why are you looking at me like that,  I know what you’re thinking, but that's not important anymore. No no you will not come here everyday just to watch me wither away slowly. Live life while you can be free. Look at me I am your living example. Physically I have the doctors standing over me watching every single one of my steps, very carefully telling me what I can and can't do. There is an invisible bondage of shackles. All around me from every corner all I hear is “No, that is harmful, no we can’t give you that, no sorry we don’t think that’s possible, NO, NO, NO!!” hearing these words is now a part of my daily routine. They tell me what to eat, do and wear. Even without them I still have the machines watching every one of my moves, from what I’m eating to the calculation of my heart beat.

My last wishes are nothing to them their only job is to keep me “alive”, alive physically but not mentally. The binding words of the doctors ¨no sugar¨ or you will have a fast death no getting up from bed, rest or you might feel weak. Listen to me sweet heart never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Your death is already written for you, when you're supposed to die you will die. Those small things that they say no to you for when they say “No, that's too dangerous, No thats gonna hurt” these are the the things in your path that stop you from getting to your bigger goal. Do you want your whole life to be controlled? If you don’t start to follow your dreams and heart now one day you too will be lying on this hospital bed alone, nothing but the orders of the doctors and your relatives controlling the rest of your life or in my case days. I sit and watch the sun as it goes up and then back down, every sunset counting the last of my days. My only movement from sitting up to laying back down, my whole life concealed in four corners of a room and my body connected to a machine, my bed is angled at the right direction so the sun hits my face right at dawn and then once it's gone I am left to stare at those dull blue curtains. I watch life go by and dream only dream in my bed, in my bed of sorrows. It’s as if though they all waited for me to get this weak and old so they could just place me here. Yes your father and your uncles pay for everything but that's not what brings me happiness. Sending me to this dull hospital bed isn’t what is pleasing me. My life consisted of starting out with the rule of my parents then settling down with a family of my own, raising your father and then your grandfather left me, now I sit here alone left with only my thoughts to accompany me, clouding over me and making me realize how it's all too late. Only I can understand how I feel the pain of watching everyone live on running, jumping, dancing, hopping and walking doing what they want while these wires and needles are the only thing binding me to this bedpost. They have my body here but my soul has already died and fled to another world.  Rather than dying a slow awaited stretched out death I wanted to die proud and accomplished. But that is impossible when you have so many restrictions that you are faced with. Even on your deathbed there is no escape you have every eye on you, mourning. These wrinkles and ripples on my skin are here to prove something I am your grandmother and I have seen and experienced a lot in my time, if there is one thing I can tell you with all my heart is to do what you want before it's too late never limit yourself, never let anyone tell you you can’t. Never take No for an answer.