Islamic Culture vs. My Beliefs for My Identity

Introduction: T​he purpose of my essay is to fully portray how the Islamic culture has taken over a portion of my choices and the decisions that I make that has created the identity that I hold today. Overall, how I struggle with my Identity because I'm always trying to find a balance between my family’s culture and my own beliefs. My culture is very significant to me which means I don't want to reject it and I don't want it to reject me. But also I want to balance it with my own beliefs and make my own personal decisions. I'm proud of speaking about this side of my identity that is personally difficult to really explain to others and really speak about. A way I want to improve my essay for next time is minimizing words, so I am not repeatedly explaining and talking about something. 

 
It was noon on a sizzling summer day. I sat at the table with my family munching on sardines and the rest of the grand meal my grandmother liked to call a simple lunch. My father decided to take us on a beach trip that afternoon. And as soon as those plans have been established all I could think about was how cute I was going to look in the new bright pink bikini that I had searched for all over to find back in America. I went through over 10 stores at the mall searching through every bikini rack for this one bikini. 
When lunch was over, I threw the dishes in the sink and sprinted to my room, hurtling over all my little cousins running around in the hallway with their little swimming shorts. Finally, as I enter my room I was approached by my aunt standing at door entrance as if she was anticipating me. I could feel the dark, still, stare she was lasering at me. She watched me walk to my suitcase like a hawk watching over its prey. I gently walked over my suitcase, carefully unzipping it. I looked back smiling trying to break the awkward silence. I quickly grabbed my bikini with the tip of my fingers and shoved it into my side trying to hide it from her sight. I ran out the door to the bathroom as I continued to get followed by her deep strong gaze.
“Wheew!” I sigh to myself in relief.
What if she doesn’t let me wear it? Why does she always have a problem with everything that I do and wear? I can’t stand this country sometimes. Hopefully, my mom is around so she can defend me, just in case.
I walk out in my bikini from the restroom to my mother’s room. And there she goes again. 
“Where do you think you’re going with that on? I told you, your father doesn't like you wearing that stuff here. This isn't America little girl, you can’t do everything you want here, “ she snaps at me gazing at me with disgust.
“But, but my mom really likes this bikini and my dad never really had a problem with me in this.”
“Take that off right now, right now!” She barked at me.
“You're going to dishonor your grandfather and father. You're going to dishonor your family’s name,” she continued as she raised her voice. 
Malala speaks to this social construction of dishonor and its connection to female independence in her book I am Malala. She also connects the relationship women have with their male family members to being part of the religion of Islam. She writes, “In Pakistan when women say they want independence, people think this means we don’t want to obey our fathers, brothers or husbands. But it does not mean that. It means we want to make decisions for ourselves...Nowhere is it written in the Quran that a woman should be dependent on a man” (Malala, 219). The idea that women are obligated to make decisions due to the favor of their fathers or brothers in the household, this creates a negative impact on women's reputation and sense of identity. This refers to women being savage and going against the rules that their fathers and brothers have set to the household. This definition of a savage independent woman is emphasized by Malala as being blamed to the Islam religion, but as she says in the Quran nowhere does it say that we, women, have to follow and look up to our fathers or brothers. In fact, it encourages us to be independent. 
Back at the house, I slowly start to remove my bikini straps slipping it off my shoulders. I feel my chin chattering, as a tear rolls down my face. 
I don’t want to reject the Islam religion because it’s created so much of who I am. Even though I want a balance between my family’s culture and my beliefs, I struggle with making sure that my beliefs don't overlap with my Islam driven culture in which takes partial credit for creating the identity that I hold today. 
 In Pbs, Akbar Muhammad is interviewed about his perspective on some misconceptions on the Islam religion. He speaks on what being a Muslim really means. He speaks about the themes and beliefs that have to do with being Islam. At the end of his interview he explains that to be considered a Muslim you have to follow the laws of the Islam religion. He states specifically, “In other words, there is such a thing as socio-cultural Muslim, a public Muslim. Then there is another kind of Muslim, I would say, who is technically a Muslim, who is legally a Muslim, I'd like to say. And [who] therefore follows the law.” He empathizes that a socio-cultural Muslim is a public Muslim who is allowed to project themselves to the world as a Muslim. In order for this Muslim to be considered a socio-cultural Muslim, they have to follow the laws of the religion. In relation to me, I remove my bathing suit instead of standing for my beliefs in that scenario because I don’t want to still be considered a Muslim and still practice the religion because being a Muslim has shaped who I am today and the culture that is embedded in me. 

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