Josie Barsky - Lit Log 1

Throughout “The Handmaid’s Tale” Offred reflects on the pivotal people of her past and is left with many questions about where they are now. In particular, she doesn’t know anything about where her husband Luke is, ever since she’s been taken and made a handmaid. On page 166 Offred says, “But I believe in all of them, all three versions of Luke… whatever the truth is, I will be ready for it.” I resonate with this on a much smaller scale, but it’s still a very present feeling in my life. Whether it’s friends or family, I always find myself thinking about the future, particularly in a stressful and negative way. There are only a certain amount of outcomes that make sense, and I need to prepare myself for them. For example, when my parents don’t pick up the phone I give them about ten to fifteen minutes and then ring again. If they don’t answer the second time then my mind starts to go to the worst. I probably think this way because I watched too much true crime growing up, but now these thoughts are ingrained in my mind, and I just have to sit and wait to see if my worst fears are really coming true. Offred doesn’t have the same luxury I have though, there are no cell phones, and no one else you can call go check on your loved ones. She just has to sit with her thoughts and hope for the best. She considers asking others to keep an eye out on page 124 but eventually says, “… there would be no point asking about Luke. He wouldn’t be where any of these women would be likely to see him.” If I were placed in her situation I don’t think I could deal with the lack of closure, my mind would be constantly running, and asking questions. I’m grateful every day for modern-day technology and how it can keep me in contact with my loved ones, I truly don’t know what I would do without it. Offred has these moments though, when she can truly reflect and think on how her life and the world have changed. On page 37 she says, “But the night is my time out. Where should I go? Somewhere good.” It is at this moment that Offred looks back on the good times she had with her best friend Moira, but it quickly takes a dark turn. She starts thinking about her missing daughter on page 39 and says, “But then what happens, but then what happens? I know I lost time… You’ve killed her…” When reading this, I realized that this happens to me too. The night really is the only time people are truly left with their thoughts, but sometimes that’s just not what I need. When I lie down, I’ll start thinking about something good, like a happy memory, or something I’m excited about in the future, but slowly I’ll start to stress out, it can be over the future and things I have to do, or it can be about something I regret having done that now is haunting me. The worst thing though is when I start freaking out if maybe the door isn’t locked, or I left my key in the door. So of course I have to run downstairs, make sure everything is locked up, and remind myself that it’s all in my head. Then I go back upstairs, now wired with stress, and stare at the ceiling or scroll on my phone until I eventually relax from something my own mind has caused me. Offred’s stressful reflections on her past and her anxiousness about the future are something that I deal with as well. Our situations aren’t similar and we are living in two very different worlds, but I understand the uneasiness that she deals with on an everyday basis. When your mind is running, it’s hard to get it to stop. There is really nothing to feel calm about because everything can change so quickly. Something can happen that can completely change your life, and you will have no inkling of it until it actually happens. That’s why Offred and I both live our lives in stress. We’ve had these things happen to us which cause us to look at the world differently. It’s hard to live in the present and be grateful for what is going on when you are always stressing about the future or reflecting on your past.