Journal entry 1#
My environment has shaped me. I didn’t want my environment
to ever affect me but it has as I’ve grown older. I can’t change that because I
didn’t plan it but it’s just the truth. Many of my friends do bad things and I
thought they’d never change. I know everyone and everything from 15 year olds
on acid and speed, kids who’ve done cocaine, kids who have piercings all over
their bodies, kids who have sex like it’s a hobby, kids who cut, throw up,
kleptos, drinkers, smokers. Everything. And I never thought I’d ever even
associate with it. I thought I was better than those people, that I’d never
even be their friend. I hate society for not finding a better way to teach us
about reality because it’s a lot scarier than anybody ever warned me. When it
hit me that drugs and violence, and people throwing their lives away were
everywhere around me I just felt overwhelmed. Because of this I just sort of
get frustrated with the way people deal with things. Everyone’s gotten MORE
immature due to these things if you ask me. I just get upset with how people
deal with things, and that makes me a hypocrite because I don’t always deal
with things in the best possible way either. When people are hurt, or upset
they do horrible things to themselves to self medicate, and make themselves
feel better. It’s something that everyone is going to see at some point in their
life, and some people will get trapped by it. I think that even so? What really
matters is that I try. What hurts me the most about seeing my friends fall into
these dirty, dark, habits is that they begin to forget everything that ever
mattered to them. And even scarier they begin to forget themselves. That’s what
separates me from them, is that no matter what happens in my life and no matter
how hard or painful it is? I won’t let it affect me negatively. I’ll only keep
getting stronger, better at dealing with these situations. I would never purposefully hurt myself
in any of the ways that my friends do. I just couldn’t let something consume my
life before I’ve had my full chance at becoming everything I can.
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