Journal entry 1#

My environment has shaped me. I didn’t want my environment to ever affect me but it has as I’ve grown older. I can’t change that because I didn’t plan it but it’s just the truth. Many of my friends do bad things and I thought they’d never change. I know everyone and everything from 15 year olds on acid and speed, kids who’ve done cocaine, kids who have piercings all over their bodies, kids who have sex like it’s a hobby, kids who cut, throw up, kleptos, drinkers, smokers. Everything. And I never thought I’d ever even associate with it. I thought I was better than those people, that I’d never even be their friend. I hate society for not finding a better way to teach us about reality because it’s a lot scarier than anybody ever warned me. When it hit me that drugs and violence, and people throwing their lives away were everywhere around me I just felt overwhelmed. Because of this I just sort of get frustrated with the way people deal with things. Everyone’s gotten MORE immature due to these things if you ask me. I just get upset with how people deal with things, and that makes me a hypocrite because I don’t always deal with things in the best possible way either. When people are hurt, or upset they do horrible things to themselves to self medicate, and make themselves feel better. It’s something that everyone is going to see at some point in their life, and some people will get trapped by it. I think that even so? What really matters is that I try. What hurts me the most about seeing my friends fall into these dirty, dark, habits is that they begin to forget everything that ever mattered to them. And even scarier they begin to forget themselves. That’s what separates me from them, is that no matter what happens in my life and no matter how hard or painful it is? I won’t let it affect me negatively. I’ll only keep getting stronger, better at dealing with these situations.  I would never purposefully hurt myself in any of the ways that my friends do. I just couldn’t let something consume my life before I’ve had my full chance at becoming everything I can.