Journal entry 2#

December 9^th, 2010

I can’t remember anyone exceeding my expectations. This kind of upsets me, because I think most of my childhood I spent dreaming about fairies, being a princess, and stuffed animals being real. I was a dreamer, and I guess nothing can live up to those expectations. Wait. I just remembered one… When I used to go down to my grandpa/great aunt’s house I had these neighbors. I don’t remember them that well, but I remember they had a son. Their son and I would always play in the neighborhood. He taught me how to boogie board and we would play detective looking for interesting things with his “detective dog” in our backyards.

I remember one morning I woke up really early and went to knock on his door, I didn’t think that he’d be awake but his mom opened the door for me and smiled. “Wait right here” she said letting me in to sit down at their breakfast table, she ran up the stairs and woke him up. She had been making pancakes and invited me to stay for breakfast. I guess because I don’t remember spending much time with both of my parents and brother, it felt very homey and nice. They asked me about myself, and only having known me for 2 weeks or so; they invited me into their home life. It felt so nice. That boy and I spent what was left of my time there at the beach on boogie boards, or playing with his and my grandfather’s dog Winston. It’s such a fond memory because every time I think about it I remember the beach, laughter, people caring about me, and happiness.

 As for me I don’t really feel like I’m exceeding anyone’s expectations often. I go out of my way to make certain people happy sometimes, and they act grateful and happy but I just do it to see them smile. Also, I don’t know what anyone’s expectations are for me, and I think it’s more important to live up to my own. Sometimes I exceed my own, but my parents’ praise seems so paper-thin. I just think I don’t live up to what they expect, my mom’s very loving and stuff, and my dad always wants us to do well in school. I feel as if I haven’t really exceeded their expectations, and I used to mind it a lot but now I think it’s more important to live up to my own goals. On the other hand, My little brother makes me feel like I exceed his expectations all the time. I like the feeling of having him look up to me, and he always seems more genuinely impressed when I do something I’m proud of than my parents do. I guess I love him more than I realize…. my cousins are that way too. Not that I don’t love my parents. They just don’t ever seem as genuinely impressed as I’d hope for, but they still praise me.