Keystone Pipeline Monologue Project

For What It’s Worth.

Character: Yes (Scared; Sad; Determined; Defensive)

Setting: Inside a Thesaurus

Opinion: Against

(Rocking back and fourth on floor, holding herself) Yes. Yes. Yes...

(looks at words above and below cautiously; whispers) This isn’t right...this isn’t right, I have to say no! *GASP* (covers mouth quickly, looks around again)

What am I to do? It’s either,

(imitating--->) “stick by the family rules” or be banned from the family like Maybe. Poor thing was casted out of the family the second she was born into the English language.

I’m not even allowed to talk to If and But anymore. Father says that I should keep my vocabulary in the family. Mother says their bad influences that she’d rather me be around the good kids from around the corner: Of course, Absolutely, and No doubt.

But that’s not the point. I heard from my Uncle Decision that President Obama is currently deciding whether to agree or disagree with this new pipeline soon to be built. Naturally, I would say (excited--->) Yes! Yes! Because I love saying yes to everything!

But, (*gasp!* Cover mouth, look above and below again; lowers voice) how can I say yes to such a deadly proposal like the keystone pipeline? How can I say yes to a global threat. I mean, without humans, theres no words, and without words, I wouldn’t exist! I can’t say yes! No! I refuse! (Slams hand on floor)

*gasp* mother! (Jumps up to feet; fixes clothes to look presentable)...yes, I know, (hangs head down low in shame) No is the enemy. We hear no, see no, speak no evil, yes mother I understand...but-but listen! (covers mouth) I’m sorry...I did it again didn’t I?

Mother...have you heard about that Keystone pipeline? ...Well, while I was hanging out with No Doubt yesterday, I overheard No saying some pretty interesting things, and I think you should know, that this pipeline could extinct humans. And if the humans are extinct...we’re extinct too...

I Make The World Go Round

Character: Money (Very cocky, arrogant, selfish, snob)

Setting: In Bank

Opinion: For It

Man, man, man...I can’t wait to lay snuggle in that coach wallet.

The nostalgic smells of freshly printed business cards, coffee-stained napkins and that one piece of spearmint kept in the back for just-in-case. Yeah, (looks up; smiling) I remember those days, when I was just a little penny.

(Calling over--->) Aye, Ulysses! Ulysses! I know you’re over there wrapped up in plastic but jesus could you open your ears for petes sake-it’s me Ben! How long has it been since you’ve been roaming around in someone’s warm pockets? Oh Yeah? (laughs) It’s been awhile for me too. But, but you know...I-I heard they’re making this new uh (scratches head and thinks)...stipper pole...uh...pipe...pipeline! Thats it! They’re gonna build this new pipeline thing, right? Say it’s gonna cost about 7 billion. Aww man, The bank’s gonna take me obviously, I mean no offense Ulysses, but not many people like to carry around “small” change. (winks; chuckles)

What do you mean you don’t care? (<---attitude) How could you not want to get out of here? We’re locked in a metal room, wrapped in this...stupid plastic! How can you not miss the human’s hands caressing you? Or that sweet ca-ching! sound when you’re being passed around in those expensive stores? Man, one time, Angelina Jolie kissed me! She kissed me man! She was so excited to have me in her pockets. Me! Don’t you...don’t you miss being loved?! Or how about being in control? (winks--->) huh? You and I both know, Ulysses, that without us, they can’t even stand on their own two feet. They need money to buy everything! We OWN the humans! It’s great! (harks) …Oh now, come on! Don’t talk like that, Ulysses! I’m all for the environment! But if trees aren’t cut down, we wouldn’t even be here you and i! Am I right or am I right? (<--- chuckles)

(Flags) I say they should build it. Lighten up! There’s some good in it for you too. I mean while I’ll be enjoying the luxury of Alberta Oil’s banking, at least you’ll be in the worker’s wallets. Supposedly this pipe is gonna require up to 180 thousand jobs.

I Didn’t Ask To Be Born.

Character: Keystone Pipeline (Nervous; guilty)

Setting: Texas

Opinion: Against & For It

(Screams-->) No, no! WAIT! Mr. Construction man...sir...please just-don’t take me apart! Please!...I...I can help you support your family, sir.

I can save you money, Mr. President. You can trust me to get you your oil safely. I promise, America. *phew!* (holds chest to breathe relieved)

Oh, relax America! Calm your freaking tree huggers! I’m not a threat!

How dare you treat an american citizen this way?

You know, if you idiots hadn’t chosen Bush as your president, you wouldn’t be in this oil mess now would you?

And-and you know, you’ll be thanking me one day. No really you will.

Right now, your country is fighting so hard just to get oil. And I heard it’s hurting your pockets. (<--- chuckles) Oh yeah, I heard Bob and the other workers talking. They said that I can get rid of that tug on your wallets.

I’m pretty sure you love that shiny cadillac of yours, don’t you? You love driving it around, showing it off. With me, you can “ride around and get it” for a cheaper price! And what’s better than that right?! :D

(smile slowly fades, looks off into distance) But uh...I...I did hear some of the uh, protesters talking...can...can I really kill people? (<--- now concerned/confused/worried)

I...I wanna live, but does my birth mean America’s death?

(sighs) I’m sorry, America. I didn’t know that starting my first breath on earth would end the last breath of yours. So I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I was born.

May your oil-my blood, leak into the grounds of the earth, into the seas underneath? May it kill fish, cattle? Ruin trees? May my breath be a blanket of co2 over skies? (Pauses, thinks; realizes) It’s gonna be the ten biblical plagues all over again.

(shakes head) Poor mother earth, It is now that I understand that when a woman gives birth she has one foot in the grave.

But see no one asks to be born...but now that I’m here...I...I just want to live...I’m sorry. (hangs head)