Language Autobiography

I turned and looked at him in shock of what he just said, but continued what I was doing.

"Hey fat ass, didn't you just eat?"

I quickly turned around and our eyes met, "can you stop calling me that?"

Suddenly he stared right into my eyes and simply said, "Fat ass. Fat ass. Fat ass."

I remember the thoughts that rushed through my mind at the moment. I felt as though what he was saying was a truth that I've blinded myself from. Was I really fat? Do I eat too much? For the next few days I attempted not to eat at all but instead, overate hoping that the food would fill the emptiness I'd been feeling. To think that the combination of fat and ass could turn my world upside down in one night drives me crazy to this day.

I associate language with negativity based on years of being bullied and teased for what I would say or what others would say to me. I can still remember a friend of mine calling me a Gossiping Queen back in fifth grade when I asked her to stop trash-talking an unpopular girl in my school. How is it that five years later, I can recall that exact moment? Does language really have that strong of an effect? Looking at the present, a trouble-making girl who has a problem sent me a harassing text last month. Her exact words were, “you f***in ugly bitch.” This girl means nothing to me but I can’t help but think about those words and cringe.

Ever since she sent that text message, I can’t look at my friends the same when they joke around and call me ugly. Every insult someone has ever told me is still in the back of my head and has a way of creeping back up and revisiting my life. Negative words have changed my life and they change who I really am, causing me to go from blissful to melancholy.

From years of hearing the same degrading words slip into my ears, I’ve changed my language. I knew how it felt to have people you see everyday harass you and how their words echo through everything you do. I wanted to make sure I never made someone feel the way I used to; I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone. Now, I continue to watch what I say and stay cautious when talking to new people.

One day, I walked through the hallway and passed two friends joking around. That’s when I heard a phrase I’d swear I would never say to anyone. He said to his friend, “go kill yourself.” I knew he was joking but who’s to say that the person you’re saying it to isn’t suicidal?

It’s language like this that puts guns to heads, ties ropes around necks, pops pills in throats, and slices a pure wrist. Three thousand people commit suicide a day because of the language of the ignorant and cruel. Is it even possible that language could impact change for the better?

Therapists are paid to sit and listen to you for hours and to give you advice to eventually help you. I always wondered if the therapist’s words were changing the patient or if the patient was getting better by releasing their secret language. Language positively impacts groups of people by uniting them as one. Many foreigners come to America not understanding the English language, but instead of helping, most tease them and push them away. If we used languages and connected them together, the impact might fix racism and take care of global issues.

My favorite positive impact from language is a compliment. Walk down the hallway and tell someone his or her hair looks great. You’ve changed their day completely. The thing about the brain is that it likes to collect and save. If you compliment a person in any way, it will be saved in their brain long enough to keep them from giving up. Sometimes I have days where it seems like no one cares and I feel alone; however, there’s always one person that makes everything okay.

I was out for two days sick and was having one of those days, and then I got a text message. “Hey lovely, how are you feeling? I miss you! Are you coming to school today?” followed by a heart at the end; it was Sara. Later that day, Drue posted on my profile on Facebook. My entire mood changed because of those little moments where it sounded like I mattered and meant something to someone.

Language can be distorted and have a different impact based on the way it’s said and the context it’s placed in. An example would nigger and nigga. If a Caucasian person called an African American “nigger” it is used as an insult; however, when one African American calls another African American “nigga” it’s a nickname, like cuz or dude. Another word that’s meaning changes is “ugly.” Many friends greet each other that way as a joke. On the other hand, “ugly” is used as a common insult and may cause people to change the way they dress, look, or the way they perceive themselves.

Language can influence changes, both good and bad. Language is alive in our society enough that it has gained control. It’s one of the only things that separates from being savage animals. Words are very strong tools and can be harmful if not used correctly.