Look in the Mirror- Tyah

I’m not doing this. Nope. Who do they think I am? I mean, really!? Why did I even come here, I can leave, if I just slip out. Damn it, I’m already in the room. If I leave now, people will be calling me all day and my mom will SURELY find out. Oh no, I’m not having that. I already told her I would go through with this and tell all the people what’s going on. I hate sounding so weak, that is NOT me! I mean look at me in this mirror, I’m not ready. What if I pass out? What if they think I’m one of these weirdos that cut themselves and all that other sh*t. This is some corny stuff on this paper, I have to basically expose myself and what happens next? Counseling, because they’re scared for the poor girl and her poor issues. Honestly, I can do without all of this. Publically speaking about my anxiety, depression, and mental state as of today. Poetry is my way out — not this, never this. This is public and social suicide. Nobody is gonna talk to me, at all. Nothing good will become of this, I’m not doing this. I mean I know I can, my mom usually tells me the word, “can’t” is not in my vocabulary. This should be a easy thing to do, what I have to do isn’t that bad. I’ve heard worse on those crazy people commercials and etc. What about the part where I tell them about the..(thinks for a little while) nah that ain’t gon be good at all. Well maybe I should have skipped out, I can play sick or something. As if they won’t think that I’m sick in the head enough. I blame my teacher the most, why can’t we write a letter to ourselves? My mom will be coming to watch me present this, she knows nothing about my problems. I’ve been hiding these for so long, I am so good at it. At times, I think of saying all that I need to say but then again….No. I wish I was normal. Look at me in this mirror. How is it possible to look so good on the outside but be so broken inside. I wish that doing a monologue wasn’t the assignment for school. How can I get out of doing this assignment without failing it? I can finesse, I know it! I’ll come up with something creative. I am starting to feel some sort of hope for myself, I can do a big scene. The teachers will feel soooo bad and say, “You know, you don’t have to share.” Yes! I’ll be out of here and still get that A+, because my monologue is so sad. Only thing is, people will eventually see my monologue when I post it on the school website. Guess I should just come clean. I know I can do a speech. I think it’ll make my mom proud but also very sad. It’ll make me feel stronger and my shoulders less heavy. This could be a story to tell my family one day, if my children ever feel scared, I’ll encourage them. Deep breaths, clear throat, eye contact, and patience. Whoo— this feels like I’m about to go skydiving, so risky. I ain’t no punk either. May all this go well. I hear something!/ -Hears someone knock on the door- Yes! I’m coming out now, I’m gonna be ready in a few. What could a little honesty do to anyone? Just some monologue-y type talk and a little sob story for the one time. Let’s do this.