McMurphy's Strength - lit log #1

Josie Barsky
Lit Log #1 McMurphy’s Strength

The Chronics won’t let me get my way. I know I have my power over all these Acutes, they’ll follow me in a second, but the Chronics? They must have something against me, listening to Miss Rat-Shed way too long they don’t know any other way. That nurse has gotten us locked down like we are in a real prison and these idiots won’t do anything about it. If I want to survive here I need to change something, starting with this TV rule. I bring it up during the group meeting. We need to switch the time so I can watch the World Series, I haven’t missed one in years. Scanlon blabbering about how switching the TV time will mess with his schedule and that the doctor is agreeing with him. He won’t change a thing unless Rat-Shed gives him her approval. Doesn’t anyone see my point? Why do we only have to listen to her? Why don’t they want to watch the games? All of them disgust me. A little change doesn’t hurt and these idiots haven’t been sticking up for themselves the whole time they’ve been here. Why does it take me to come in for some real fun to happen around here? I don’t know how these guys survived without me. Now they are all lying around the day room pointlessly, I need them to start listening to me. Maybe if I show them my strength they’ll be so scared they’re gonna have to. I’m an intimidating guy, I know Miss Rat-Shed is scared of me and the rest of them should be too. I bring it up and Harding won’t keep his mouth shut talking about “A baseball game isn’t worth the risk”(107) and the only one I can get to listen to me is Cheswick. That dummy, he will listen to anything I say. Then Fredrickson opens his big mouth saying, “…are you going to kick down that door and show us how tough you are?”(107) And I think that is exactly what I will do. Maybe not the door, seems too hard and I can’t embarrass myself in front of these weak old Chronics and Acutes. I could probably lift the table or maybe a bed. Not too heavy. Harding then brings up the control panel and I tell him, “Hell are you birds telling me I can’t lift that dinky little gizmo?”(109) Everyone looks over, including Old Chief Bromden who doesn’t have a clue what’s about to happen. I examine the dials and levers, it’s a big old cement block, but it’s nothing I’m not used to. I used to lift hay bales for a living, this thing doesn’t have a shot against me. I jump off the table, take off my shirt, and start hyping myself up. I can do this, I can lift it no problem. These guys don’t know my strength. I tell them, “…who’s willing to lay five bucks? Nobody’s going to convince me I can’t do something till I try it…”(109) I walk near the control panel and tell everyone to take a step back. Hardings still talking, calling me a fool. I’m so angry it’s like I’m taking all the air out of the room. I shift my feet, put my hands under the cement, and start lifting. It’s heavier than I thought, but I can’t let them know that. I might be turning red, it’s like my veins are about to pop out of my arms and like my hands are gonna fall off. I was lying, I can’t do this, I know it. If I keep trying my hands will fall off and no one will ever listen to me again. I used all my strength, I showed them my strength, who cares I couldn’t lift it. I turn to them all and say, “But I tried though… God damn it, I sure as hell did that much, now, didn’t I?” I’m not embarrassed. How could I be?

stylistic choices: Writing from McMurphy’s point of view I wanted his arrogance to show. Throughout the ward, he believes he is the top dog and above everyone, including Miss Ratched who he refers to as Rat-Shed. In this particular scene, McMurphy’s arrogance comes through. He almost rips off his hands trying to show everyone how strong he is so that way they’ll vote to change the T.V. time. Like McMurphy’s character, I wanted to start off the passage calmer, as he is in the beginning. He’s never thoughtful but he tends to blow up as situations evolve. I wanted to show the evolution of his character moving from verbal conversations to him then becoming physical and a bit scary.