Musical Moment

Musical Moment

(Sits down in studio)
Timing isn’t everything, but everything takes time. That’s what I tell myself.  My girlfriend.  My friends.  I know I don’t keep all my promises, but I can’t if I’m being forced to make these promises.  They are not legitimate if I’m not into them.  Does this mean these people I hold closely in my life are not actually my priority?  Is that how I can tell what is most important to me, by seeing what I choose when I am scared to consciously make the decision.  This music business has been the longest process of my life.  It has been the ride of my life.  And even now, after I thought I had made it over the big hump, where people I thought were friends seemed ashamed of what i did, I now realize that hate is part of everyone’s life, and that overcoming that made me strong for this decision, which is turly my largest struggle on this path.  

This record deal could change my life.  Do I want it to.  Could letting this go destroy all I have strived for.  I have persevered through so much.  I can’t have sacrificed how I felt all this time, just to blow off an opportunity when it finally, finally, comes.  I find myself when I am in music.  But maybe I’m not just finding myself, but I’m losing others.  Losing the love of my life.  I don’t even know what the outcome of either choice will be.  Do I go back to school?  See all my friends.  The team who has stuck with me up until this point.  The girl I have loved like no other.  Or do I follow my dream.  I could be rich, and famous too, doing what I love.  

But if it means not being with the people I love too, then I truly don’t know how it will feel.  I remember sitting in this spot, rapping and vibing with my friends.  My best friend Jake, who I haven’t talked to in a week because I’ve been locked up in this room, and not picking up my phone.  I remember he played a beat.  It was the instrumental to a Hopsin's song.  I remember the beat dropped, and I started spitting, and I felt so powerful, everyone in the room glued to every rhyme.  It was with them that I got into rap.  It is them that told me how good I was, and that kept me going.  Without them, I don’t even know if I like music.  And I don’t know if they will follow me any farther if I don’t come back this semester.  I fear I’ll get what I want and not what I need.  Ugh, more texts.  (checks phone to see texts from Jake and Bae asking him about plans).  I want to get in my zone, but I’m too distracted.

I wish I had guidance now.  My music has always guided me.  Maybe that’s what I need right now.  The way I truly feel will be exposed through my words when I rap.

*Sets up studio quickly to rap*

*Music plays for a moment while Josh vibes*

All this rapping I’m doing I hope you all follow, cause without the one’s I started with inside I’d feel hollow, leaving me would make it hard for me to swallow, cause even though this rap stuff is all that’s on my mind, leaving, I don’t want to leave these relationships on the line, cause I don’t talk to my family cause they don’t understand a thing, they don’t see that I’m just trynna reach my damn reach.  Still, I never want to stop riding with you girl, and you too Jake.  I used to not know the difference between the real and the fake, but then I found some real people and now I have no need to use the brake.  

(Takes off headset)

I know now.  I need to follow my the dream of my life.  People come and go, but I will not change.  I used to write lyrics hoping to bring people along.  But I know now that if I let go and write exactly how I feel, that’s how I will get the most people to follow me, and how I will create loyalty.  And I hope they follow me too, but if not, it was a good ride, but I had to make a turn eventually, to get to where I want to be.